


The Princess and the Captain

by ailvara



Category: Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Friendship/Love, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 33,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26256133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ailvara/pseuds/ailvara
Summary: Jasnah Kholin, a young but already accomplished scholar, searches the Shattered Plains for the ancient city of Urithiru in the hope to learn there about her own place in what's coming. When a suspiciously capable slave saves her family from certain death, she needs to divert her attention to make sure it's not merely the beginning of some odd new conspiracy. She doesn’t know yet how intertwined both matters truly are... And that in the process she might find one more thing that she wasn't even looking for.
Relationships: Kaladin & Jasnah Kholin, Kaladin & Sylphrena (Stormlight Archive), Kaladin/Jasnah Kholin
Comments: 154
Kudos: 205





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have a hard time imagining Jasnah and Kaladin as a couple. They are at such different points in their lives! She is already mature and so unyielding and has had years to come to terms with her radiancy. Where he is still growing, uncertain, and questioning, she seems to have it all figured out. Hardly a base for a balanced relationship.  
> And yet... They have such interesting chemistry. If only they could have met on more equal footing...  
> But then, what is fanfiction for?

Jasnah sighed deeply as she put aside the last page. Her contact in Tashikk had sworn by the credibility of the source - as much as anything this ancient could have been taken without a grain of salt - but failed to mention how little substance it contained. Uritihiru, the ancient city of Knights Radiant, a place of inexplicable wonders and whatnot, located maybe in present-day Alethkar, maybe in Jah Keved, maybe elsewhere yet, who knows.

As if she hadn't been through _that_ a hundred times already.

So far, of all possible locations of Urithiru, the Shattered Plains seemed most promising though. If the gate to the ancient city was hidden somewhere in, let's say, Kholinar, someone would have stumbled across it already. The Plains, however, were still a mystery. The chances were that Urithiru was hidden somewhere there, where no human has set foot for generations.

She wasn't sure what she'd do if that was another dead end. To be perfectly honest with herself, she wasn't entirely sure what she would do if it wasn't either. By now the city could well be a ruin containing only a handful of useful information. And even those deducible only after years of work of a whole research team.

Still, it would likely be more than she had _now_.

"Why do you care so much about finding the city again?" asked Ivory, as if he could read her thoughts.

"That's the only lead we currently have, Ivory," she whispered, aware of the guards outside her room. "I'm not sure what answers I can find there, but maybe even a few well-formulated questions could get me further."

"Questions about Knights Radiant? The Desolations? I can hardly imagine how they could point you in any new direction. You already read anything about these that you can put your hands on."

"Maybe there's something connected to all this which we don't realize. Something, which doesn't have _Radiants_ spelled out on the cover. If you have better suggestions, I'm all ears."

"As a matter of fact, I do. If the Desolation is indeed coming, even the brightest woman in Roshar won't stop it alone, Jasnah. As much as I hate to say it, you'll need to trust someone, eventually. The other Inkspren might not be... keen on bonding humans at the moment, but there might be others. There _must_ be others."

 _Or we've already lost_ , she thought. As if she needed any of that either.

"Uncle Dalinar might be up to something," she said. "His visions are _something_. But who knows where they even come from? I'm not yet sure what to make of it. There will always be more time to tell him, and once I do, there will be none to take it back."

"Speaking of. They've been gone a little too long, haven't they?"

Storms, they were. And today wasn't any usual assault either. Since Jasnah's uncle decided to trust that piece of crem named Torol Sadeas, she was afraid of the worst. She suddenly felt guilty at not having taken care of that earlier.

"I'll go find my mother and see what's going on."

***

Before Jasnah managed to storm out of the camp and accidentally slit the throat of a certain Highprince, the Kholin forces had returned. Or what was left of them, at least. As it turned out, they were rescued by a bridge crew belonging to none other by Sadeas himself. A bridge crew who, curiously, fought like an elite squad and held the Parshendi at bay long enough to let the soldiers pass their bridge and escape the Tower.

Now her uncle had released them and appointed as the new Cobalt Guard, no questions asked. _What?_

Well, if no one in this house of madness was going to show some common sense, luckily they had her. Of course, if this was indeed some conspiracy, it was the most skewed and ridiculously convoluted one. But maybe Sadeas was playing a long-term game and didn't want to kill everyone, only weaken their house and plant his agents under their nose? Or maybe there was yet another, unknown third party at play? It would be foolish not to at least consider the possibilities.

And so, there she was now, in the new guards camp, ready to personally gather her first insights. She stood in the shadows, close enough to the campfire of Bridge Four to observe the men gathered around it, but too far from the light to be noticed herself. Unfortunately, also too far to hear what they were talking about with such animation. For the moment she had to rely on her eyes only.

As far as she could tell, they looked just like a group of freshly recruited soldiers, enjoying their hot meal and their company. There were scars, bruises, and certain fatigue about them. But the expressions on their faces ranged from peaceful to amused, hardly suggesting they had earlier this very day escaped the damnation itself or accomplished a deed worthy of some storming legendary heroes.

She spotted one figure that didn’t fit the picture of the lighthearted bonding moment. Kaladin Stormblessed, they called him. Earlier, she only got a glimpse of the bridge leader, still covered in blood, sweat, and dirt after the fight - and after the life in slavery itself. After having cleaned himself up and putting on a sharp blue uniform, the now-captain appeared... respectable at least. Softer and younger, too.

Well, at least younger.

He was the one man still deeply troubled about something. Could it be that he had something else on his mind? That, to him, the battle was only the beginning of a larger challenging and dangerous mission nobody else knew about?

 _Let’s see what you’re made of, shall we?_ she thought.

"Captain Kaladin, may I have a word?" she said, coming closer. A few of the men nearly jumped in surprise, but their leader only glanced at her grimly, as if the sudden annoyance was nothing less than he expected. She gestured at him and walked away a bit, waiting for him to follow.

"Brightness...?" he started once he joined her out of the hearing range of the rest of the group.

"Jasnah," she clarified. His frown deepened a little further.

"Ah, the princess," he nodded, clearly not impressed in the least. If she cared, she might have taken offense at his lack of respect, but as it was, she only got slightly amused. She would expect a spy - or an assassin - to present at least a minimal level of caution. 

"I've been told you weren't one for titles and official formulas. Good to see my dear uncle isn't such a terrible judge of character after all," she paused, but the man didn't look like he was going to respond, so she continued. "I won't take too much of your time. I just want to thank you for what you did for my family today."

He nodded again. "The freedom to me and all bridge crews is all thanks I need," he said and hesitated. "Highprince Dalinar... seems to be a man of honor," he added uneasily.

"That he is. Fortunately, he's got people around him who won't let his enemies exploit that... too often. I, at least, treat the disaster of letting my uncle do as he pleases with Sadeas as a wake-up call and I intend to sleep with one eye open from now on."

He gazed at her intently, as if trying to decide if there was a warning directed at him in what she'd said. Very well, so he _was_ smart enough. Jasnah would surely like that in the leader of their guard, but she wasn't yet sure if she liked this man was one in the first place.

"I won't lie," he said finally. "It'll take weeks if not months to turn most of these men into proper soldiers." he gestured slightly with his head towards the barracks. "But members of Bridge Four already know what to do with a spear. And they won't hesitate to die, even for the lighteyes, if that's what it takes," he grimaced at that as if a chull stepped on his foot and wasn't going anywhere. "I believe you'll sleep decently soon enough. Of course, if our actions today haven't convinced you to trust us, nothing I say will. "

He did have a point there. However, she wasn’t here to listen to empty declarations but to figure out the man behind them. And there was one detail in his answer that she did want to talk about.

"Indeed, from what I've heard, your bridge crew is already remarkably well-trained," Jasnah said openly. "I would be most interested to hear the story behind it."

The man paused again for a moment and sighed, clearly wanting nothing more than to see her go and leave him in peace. He wasn’t getting lucky in this regard anytime soon. 

"Well, it's not like it's any secret anymore,” he answered shortly. “We were going to escape. I was training the crew so that we had any chance at all if confronted with the chase."

Her eyes widened a little at that. "And you thought it would let you defeat likely a few squads of seasoned, armed soldiers sent after you?" she said in an incredulous voice. The man didn’t flinch.

"The plan was based more on outrunning them. And if they thought we were already dead... Maybe there wouldn't be a chase at all."

"You were going to pretend Parshendi had shot you?” that much she could figure out herself. “Without accidentally being shot in the process? How?"

"You sure ask many questions, brightness," he grunted. She merely gave him a long look until he realized it wasn't a battle worth fighting.

"We were going to stay behind as the Sadeas troops were leaving the Tower in haste and pretend the Parshendi got to us on the way," he clarified.

"And that's when you came back to the Tower and saved our army."

"Clearly," the captain grunted, visibly annoyed. Well, more annoyed than he had been so far. 

"Because it seemed like a better shot at freedom," she continued, having decided to strike the iron while it's hot. "True freedom, without having to run ever again."

That made him stare at her in disbelief.

"Better _shot_ ?” he reddened, attracting a few angerspren. “It was only a good shot at nearly certain death! The carnage taking place there... Storms. I doubt any of us truly expected to get out of there _alive_."

"So why did you come back?" she pushed, reasonably certain he was too close to losing his temper to feed her meticulously crafted lies. Also, she was genuinely interested.

" _Because there were people there whom we could save,_ " he said through his clenched teeth, his face darkened with anger. "We're not some soulless animals, _Brightness_ , despite what you lighteyes may imagine."

Now she was the one staring in disbelief. Did he _scold_ her? She just probably got what she asked for, but storms alight, what was this man even thinking?

All remaining questions aside, whatever _this_ was, it didn't look like a coup d'état material. Unless prepared by a complete madman.

Or a storming genius.

"It seems like I've taken too much of your time, captain," she said in a tone meant to make it clear she was letting the matter pass as a matter of being gracious and _never_ intimidated. "Before I go... I do not appreciate having debts. My uncle has done his part, but if there's any way _I_ can repay you for the fact that I still have my uncle and cousins, tell me."

"I'm fine, Brightness," he said sharply.

"Just think about it. I'll go now. Please, pass my thanks to your men."

"Why don't you do it yourself?"

She blinked.

"Indeed, why not?" Jasnah approached the men gathered around the fire and gave them a few words of gratitude and appreciation. She noticed, not without certain satisfaction, that it somewhat baffled their captain. Well, clever people listen to constructive suggestions regardless of how they have received them. If he thought he had all lighteyes figured out, he was up for a surprise.

As she was walking away, she heard him calling her.

"Brightness?"

"Yes?" she stopped and turned back to face him again.

"There is... one matter you could help me with." His voice was milder now but also sounded as if it hurt every bit of his body and soul to ask anything of her. "If you truly mean it."

"I don't say things that I don't mean, captain. I'm listening."

"My parents... They live in a town called Hearthstone in northern Alethkar. I haven't seen them in years and have no idea how they are."

"You'd like me to contact them for you?"

"No!" he protested. "No. They probably think I'm dead anyway. There's no reason to open the old wounds. I just want to know they're taken care of. The citylord..." he grunted and shook his head. "Let's just say they might be in trouble. If you could make sure that he can't abuse his power over them... And also, if they are in financial trouble, that they get enough of my pay, without knowing it's from me, I'll be in your debt."

She just realized that she didn’t for a moment expect him to ask for any material riches or anything for himself at all. It wouldn’t be aligned with what she had seen of his character so far. Against herself, she couldn't help but feel a certain respect for the man. Of course, it could all still be a pose. Somehow.

"It's a fair request, captain. How do I find them?"

"Their names are Lirin and Hesina. My father is the only surgeon in town, he will be easy to identify."

"Consider it done."

"Thank you, Brightness."

"Don't mention it. We're even."

 _Not that I'm anywhere nearly done with you yet._ The answers of captain Kaladin were satisfactory and baffling at once. Although she would never admit it out loud, she _did_ think it was incredulous that a group of slaves, of all people, would show such selflessness and heroism. Not because they were inherently less human, obviously. On the contrary, while young soldiers could have had their heads all stuffed up with tales of honor, she expected these people to be more realistic and down-to-earth. Besides, if your mere survival had to consume nearly all your energy, how could you also put on your plate the fate of thousands of others? Let alone the sort of people who kept you as a slave in the first place? Storms, how could you _succeed_ in doing so? So far, all her life has taught her to do the smart, reasonable, and yes, sometimes egocentric thing. These men spit this philosophy in the face and it turned out to be precisely the reasonable thing to do.

Of course, if what captain Kaladin had told her was true. But the emotions were all written upon his face, consistent with his words and the spren he attracted. If anything, they were _too_ sincere for his own good. She had no illusions that she had got to the bottom of his secrets yet, but what he did tell her seemed both true and unambiguous enough. Still, as much as Jasnah couldn't reasonably imagine how anyone would decide to plant _this_ sort of spy in their camp, there was certainly _something_ off about the young captain.

And she was going to find out, what.


	2. Chapter 2

Jasnah had considered for a moment whether she should hide her identity over the spanreed. It would give her masquerade more credibility, as having her directly interfere with the everyday matters of a provincial town was bound to raise some eyebrows. On the other hand, knowing her name and reputation the woman may not believe a word from Jasnah’s mouth and still won't dare to call her out on it, so let her raise the eyebrows all she wishes.

The woman from Hearthstone she was waiting to contact was called Laral Roshone. That sounded familiar to Jasnah. She vaguely remembered a man of this name whom her brother briefly kept around for inexplicable reasons years ago. He eventually did something that earned him banishment to a Heralds-forgotten place and everyone forgot about the matter.

Jasnah quickly checked basic facts about the town’s citylord and confirmed it was likely to be the same person. The revelation let her develop some idea on why captain Kaladin would ask her to make sure the man wouldn’t cause trouble to his parents. And the understanding inspired her to approach the whole matter with a little more… motivation.

The intermediary in Tashikk confirmed the requested contact was established and Jasnah turned her attention to the writing.

“Laral Roshone? This is Jasnah Kholin.”

“It is an honor, Brightness. How can I help you?” No extensive courtesy and straight to the point, Jasnah liked that.

“I have recently put my interest into improving the state of health and well-being of the people of Alethkar and Hearthstone has been selected to participate in this initiative as a representative for a town this size in your region.” Jasnah gritted her teeth. This was probably one of the weakest stories she’d made up in her entire life. And as much as she loved the truth, she did have to cover up some unusual behavior from time to time. She didn’t have much time or reason to come up with anything better, though.

“My records tell me you currently have one surgeon in town, Lirin, is that correct?”

“Yes, Brightness.” No questions asked, so far so good.

“How is the work of the surgeon financed?”

“The usual way, I believe. He charges… No, perhaps not exactly the usual way then, those whom he cures pay what they can.”

“What if the person who gets sick cannot pay? Are they not cared for?”

“Surgeon Lirin treats everybody, regardless of their financial capabilities. He is a medic of true calling.” That was an uncommon, almost oddly selfless attitude. She couldn’t help but make a connection.

“Hearthstone is most fortunate then. Surely, you offer some form of patronage to reward such sacrifice to the people you’ve been trusted to care for.” For a moment there was no answer as surely the woman must have been wondering what to make of it all.

“It… has never been done this way here. We have not thought of that.” Was she already contemplating if Jasnah was delusional?

“Regrettable. From now on you will consider it a natural part of your duties as custodians of your town to support such behaviors that benefit the whole community under your jurisdiction.” Jasnah initially planned to simply transfer the money like Kaladin had asked her to, but having learned more, she saw no reason to make the life of the citylord too easy. “The crown will cover half of the cost, as long as you can properly document it. You can also expect a visit from an auditor who will assess the equipment in use and whether we should make any additional investment.“ She could afford to be a little generous, after all. And establish ways of controlling the situation.

“It will be done as you say, Brightness.” Usually, the woman should probably at least speak to her husband about it. But if it was the more reasonable of the two actually governing the town, all the better.

“Make sure it will.” The first item crossed off the list, now time for the background check. “One more thing. You’ve got only one surgeon, but surely he must have sons or other apprentices to help and eventually take over the duties?”

Another pause. “He does not, Brightness. Not anymore, at least.” 

“How is that possible?” Jasnah asked, hoping her only half-feigned indignation was simmering through the handwriting. Better not give that woman a moment of relief, or she might start to think too much. Besides, she and her husband _could_ have done a better job with governing the town so it was only justified. “Such carelessness puts at risk the future well-being of the whole town. And what do you mean by _not anymore_?” 

“It is a long story that surely will not interest you, Brightness, but I will take care of that as soon as possible.”

“On the contrary, I believe it will interest me much.” 

“As you wish. Lirin once had two sons. The older one was training to become a surgeon himself. But they both joined the army and unfortunately died in combat sometime later. Neither I nor my husband ever found it appropriate to intervene as it is the surgeon’s personal matter who he chooses to train - and, as you can imagine, now a most sensitive one too. However, I see how it is not in the best interest of the town and I will persuade him.”

“Not such a long story after all. And I’m glad to hear it, as it implies further irregularities to address. As you are certainly aware, it is illegal to place on the conscription list someone serving a vital role to the town.”

“I am well aware, Brightness, but here everything was handled according to the law. The younger brother, Tien, wasn’t training as a surgeon, and he was the one picked by my husband to join the army of Highmarshal Amaram. He was a young and fragile boy, so his older brother, Kaladin, enlisted voluntarily to watch out for him.” 

Jasnah hissed. She wasn’t sure what disgusted her more, learning of this outrageous action or the mere reminder of the other storming bastard’s name.

A young and fragile boy? There could be no decent intentions hidden behind such a choice. Suddenly she remembered that Roshone better. That time when he was banished, he all but killed two people who were his business competitors. Petty, despicable man. Certainly, the punishment didn’t teach him any better. But why would he virtually sentence the boy to die? She would need to find out.

And what did she say, that both boys died? Captain Kaladin implied this would likely be the version of his story that had reached his parents. As much as slavery could often be a fate worse than death, the families of deserters and other criminals weren’t typically spared the truth. As far as she was aware, captain Kaladin never told anyone of her family how he ended up becoming a slave in the first place. Her uncle understood what it meant to leave painful past behind too well not to let another man keep his secrets. Still, he should have made an exception for someone in whose hands he had put their lives. One more story she had to get to the roots of herself.

Jasnah realized she was so lost in thoughts she forgot to answer.

“And does your husband often send the _young and fragile boys_ to join the army? Is _this_ how you serve your people and your kingdom?” There was a long pause on the other side. 

“If it truly interests you, Brightness, I should probably contact you once my husband is back home, and he can tell you the story for himself. All I can say, it was an… unfortunate overreaction to the surgeon undermining his authority, and even stealing. Both sides were to blame but it’s finished now.”

 _Finished? It certainly was finished for the boy. Was he to blame too?_ Some sort of people didn’t deserve the air they wasted breathing, banished or not. Sadly, she couldn’t merely get rid of all the vile, disgusting idiots in the world. It was as much a fool’s errand as trying to teach them all better. The latter was at least worth trying.

While the outrageous injustice made Jasnah angry, she had to admit, no laws had been broken. There was also the question of what Kaladin’s father had done. People were complicated, one could save people with all their forces during the day only to commit crimes after sunset. Seems like, in addition to selflessness, the captain took one more page from his father’s book. His disdain for authority was obvious enough, but maybe she had underestimated it? Was it possible he couldn’t leave thousands of common soldiers to die, but he wouldn’t blink when someone murdered a highprince? He had said: Bridge Four will sacrifice their lives even for the lighteyes… Now that she thought of it she was becoming convinced he might have excluded himself.

Jasnah decided pushing once more would be once too many. She finished the conversation and put down her spanreed, feeling exhausted. She got more new questions that she got answers to the previous ones. This was fine, though. It meant she had new leads to follow. The next step would be to get the rest of the story out of the captain given the nearest occasion, observing whether it adds up or whether he’ll try to lie to her and fill any remaining blanks in the process.

For now, though, she’s had enough of the interrogations for a day. For a week, more likely. And, most importantly, she had other pressing matters to attend to. She was limiting herself to the information from books for too long, all while staying in the very location where she could potentially uncover something through more... direct means.

As much as the death of most of the Cobalt Guard was a most horrible development, with regard to her new plan having fresh recruits guard her door couldn’t come at a better time. She didn’t want anyone to know what she was up to and sneaking out of the camp at night past the untrained eyes and ears surely won’t be too complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, no Jasnah/Kaladin interactions in this chapter? So sorry, I'll do better next time. ;)  
> I was originally planning to keep this scene off-screen, but then I found I enjoyed it a little too much. While Laral had matured in the books a lot, I'm still a little mad at her for downplaying Roshone's actions. Jasnah may have not put all the cards on the table, but I believe she's given her a little more perspective.


	3. Chapter 3

For the last few weeks, Jasnah had used every moment and every available resource to strip the Plains of their secrets. Most of the time, she almost forgot about Kaladin - Storming - Stormblessed, wholly absorbed with her research. She barely had a chance to talk to him in private anyway, which should have worried her a little. Did he avoid her, never assigning himself to guard her so that she wouldn’t discover his secrets? 

But she had little time to do anything aside for having some people watch him discreetly. Whenever she could, she led research expeditions during the day. Otherwise, she did... reckless things during the night. Reckless - but necessary.

Meeting shady people who claimed they knew things. Going back herself to the more promising locations and peeking into Shadesmar for hours to see if there was anything more to them. Ivory refused to help her get fully in, which was probably for the best, but it also meant they had to travel the hard way. She had no bridges but also no army following her. Given proper preparations and planning, she could make a quick walk through the chasms work well enough. And, given how rarely the chasmfiends were spotted these days, a nearly safe one. Still, she could only get so far.

That said, today, Jasnah got further than ever before, further than the Alethi scouts usually dared to venture. 

For weeks she continued her search with an open mind, hoping for anything of note: a trace of an ancient settlement, a shape indicating the existence of an ancient fabrial, markings on the wall, something unusual under the surface of the Physical Realm. Anything at all.

For weeks, she had found nothing of the sorts. 

Why would today be any different? Perhaps it was high time to abandon this folly and go back to a library. Maybe if she finally told her family about everything, she could persuade her brother to lead the army deeper into the area and then…

No. Most likely, Jasnah would only get them all killed in the process.

“Jasnah?” Ivory suddenly interrupted her musings. “There is something in here.”

“What do you mean?”

“A writing carved into the wall.” her heart stopped. “And a sphere, tucked in beside it. It’s almost dim now, but someone left it here on purpose, to draw attention to the message. It was meant to be found.” Jasnah’s hopes dropped a little. It was nothing done by the ancient Knights Radiant, then.

“Show me.”

She joined him in studying the writing. It was a misshapen transcription using glyphs, done by an untrained hand, and further distorted due to the uneven surface. Nevertheless, with some effort, she could decipher the words.

_You need to leave. They are going to release the unspeakable evil to destroy you. Leave, or we will all die, one by one, you and us both._

Jasnah shivered and gaped for a moment. 

Only a Parshendi could have left this message.

What could it…?

Too much clicked in her head at once. 

Unspeakable evil - on the eve of a Desolation, no less, as far as she knew. So the Parshendi had something - or, at the very least, they believed they did - that could start it? That made no sense. It was too terrible to think it could have. The Desolations just... happened, periodically, didn’t they?

Whatever it was, the Parshendi feared it too... but maybe they had started to fear - or despise - the humans more. 

_Storms alight._

“What do you think, Ivory?” she asked quietly.

He seemed understandably worried. “It could be a trap. But we can’t ignore it either, can we? I assume we’ll walk right into it.” He sighed.

“We can’t ignore it. And we are not leaving the Plains either.” She paused and thought for a moment. “I suppose we’ll do the only thing that makes any sense. Gather more information. Three days from now should be enough, as long as we’re lucky, and the author still checks this place out.”

She summoned Ivory and began to carve the answer.

***

Somehow, Kaladin never turned out to be the one to guard the princess. 

Not that he avoided her. He simply had too many duties already: training and organizing the bridgemen into a proper military unit, dealing with the king’s paranoia - or not just paranoia, which only meant more work - not to mention improving and exploring his unusual skills. He could pass on having a nosy lighteyes interrogating him about what he had had for breakfast.

In hindsight, maybe he had avoided her a little.

Today, however, Drehy, who had been assigned to the princess, must have eaten something unfresh, and he ended up utterly incapable of performing duties. That left Kaladin with an immediate need for a replacement and limited options. Still, it was the evening already, so the storming woman would probably just spend it in her room, with Kaladin staying outside, never having to talk to her.

Syl didn’t appreciate it as much as he did. “I’m bored, Kaladin. From now on, can you pick the time to guard people when they actually go somewhere and do things?”

“I’m afraid I don’t get to choose when I’m needed, Syl.”

“But you could plan to guard Jasnah when she goes to the Plains for the research! It sounds like fun, and you never do that. I want to go someday.” She smiled sweetly and fluttered her eyelashes. “Please? Is it working?”

Kaladin almost chuckled. “Please, don’t. Anyway, the last time the princess had an opportunity, she tried to research _me_. She clearly doesn’t trust me, and who knows what she’ll find out by the time she’s done with me.”

“Even more, you should prove your loyalty guarding her with your life and the such!”

Kaladin eyed her grimly.

“I don’t get it, Syl. The woman has a reputation of a manipulative opportunist, only ever concerned with the goals and not the means. What would an Honorspren want to do with her?”

“You, humans, and your reputation. You have a reputation for never properly having fun... which doesn’t prove my point. Anyway, the important thing is, I still love you regardless.” 

Her words touched him in a way he wasn’t used to. He could almost hug her. Except, of course, he couldn’t.

“Even when you refuse to take me on an expedition,” Syl finished, eyeing him mischievously. Kaladin knew when he had lost a battle.

“Very well, Syl,” he smiled. “We’ll go someday.” She did a little happy dance in the air.

“What do you think she’s doing now? Compiling some notes, maybe? It’s something a girl should be skilled in, isn’t it? Do you think I could learn to read and write, Kal?”

“I don’t think the Vorin traditions apply to spren, Syl. As far as I’m concerned, you can do and learn whatever you want. Although I won’t be able to help you with the reading, I’m afraid.”

Syl thought for a moment, spiraling in the air. “Oh, without a physical body, I don’t think I would be of any use with a spear, would I?” She paused for a moment, as if lost in a memory long gone, then shook her head quickly. “But reading, that sounds useful! Now, for example, I could sneak in and see if Jasnah is reading or writing anything interesting.”

Kaladin sighed. “You can’t just go and spy on people like this, Syl.”

“Why not? They never know. Watch me.”

Before he managed to say anything, she was gone. Kaladin sighed again and leaned against the wall. Dear Syl. 

Only a few seconds had passed before she was back.

“Kaladin? I think you should get inside.”

“Syl, I’m not going to…”

“No, seriously,” Syl said, clearly nervous. “The window is open, and Jasnah is gone.”

Kaladin cursed under his breath and burst into the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially, I planned this story for 12 chapters. It has already grown to 20. I hope you don't mind. ;))


	4. Chapter 4

The window was open, and the storming woman was nowhere to be found. Damnation! What kind of guard Kaladin was if someone could so easily abduct a princess right behind his back?

Maybe they hadn't yet gotten too far. Kaladin leaned out of the window and saw a shape in the dark, moving away quickly in the Plains' direction. He cursed again and dropped out of the window, chasing the shadow. He decided not to raise the alarm yet, as he might still catch the abductor by surprise.

Following a short chase, Kaladin caught up with the man, grabbed him by the arm, and closed his mouth shut with the other hand. He earned a sharp kick in the leg but didn't loosen the grip. Only then did he realize that the abductor certainly didn't hide any kidnapped princess underneath the loose cloak. In fact, he was probably too small to carry anyone. Kaladin turned the person to face him.

"You!" Kaladin and Jasnah hissed simultaneously.

"I thought you were kidnapped!" he said.

"I thought you were standing behind the door!" Her eyes narrowed in anger as if she just realized something. "Actually, how did you follow me. Did… _Did you get into my room?_ "

Kaladin was glad the darkness hid his fierce blush.

"I… I've heard a sound, and you didn't respond if everything was ok so I checked on you. Rightly so, it seems!"

"Quite the opposite."

"Where are you going?"

"Not your storming business."

"It will be mine if you get yourself killed on my watch."

"I'm a big girl who can take care of myself, captain. You may return to your post, now if you'll excuse me." She turned on her heel and walked away, paying no attention to him anymore. Kaladin followed.

"I've said…" she started.

"I've heard. I'm not going to trust the judgment of a woman who sneaks away at night going storms know where."

Jasnah ignored him and sped up. So did he. They half-run, half-marched out of the camp without being questioned by anyone - Kaladin made a mental note to look into that negligence later - and continued onto the Shattered Plains. 

"You are a stubborn one, aren't you?" the woman spoke finally.

"Takes one to know one. Brightness."

"So what is your plan, exactly?" she snorted.

"I assume grabbing you by the collar and dragging you back to the camp might count as overstepping my authority, at least until there is a direct threat. So for now, I'm going to follow you and make sure you don't get yourself too deep into any direct threat."

"Good luck with that. This is your last chance to turn around and return to the camp safely. Otherwise, I will make sure to lose you in the worst corner possible, and it will take you _days_ to go back from there."

"And how come you know this place so well?" he asked.

"Like I've said…"

"Not my storming business. Got it. And nobody else's, judging by the way you've left."

She crossed her arms. "Are you implying something?"

"Only that if you don't like me guarding you, I'll be more than happy to pass on that, only once I make sure someone with more authority takes…"

The princess stopped so abruptly that he almost bumped into her. She turned around and looked into his eyes with cold fury.

"You. Won't. Dare." She emphasized each word poking her finger into Kaladin's chest, making sure it hurt. He met her gaze calmly.

After a moment of a staring contest, Jasnah took her hand back and crossed her arms, not lowering her gaze. She looked thoughtful.

"Let's calm down and summarize the situation. If I leave you behind, you'll feel obliged to inform someone from my family."

"I don't see what another choice I would have," Kaladin replied grimly, holding her gaze.

"I, on the other hand, have no intention of sharing where and why I'm going. With anyone at all," The princess continued coldly. "You, however, already know too much. In addition, I can't get rid of you, and I suppose I won't manage to beat you unconscious and leave here either."

Kaladin raised his eyebrows. _Beat him unconscious?_ What was wrong with that woman? 

"Looks like we're in a helpless situation," he concluded.

"Nonsense. Just a terribly annoying one." She pondered for a moment. "Would you say, captain, that you oppose me because you believe that protecting me is a more important duty than obeying me? In other words, we might not agree on the details, but we can agree that you owe me your loyalty. Correct?"

Kaladin didn't particularly like the "owing" and "obeying" part, but things were as they were, so he nodded.

"As long as I let you guard me, as long as I don't turn out to be a traitor to others you've sworn to protect, my secrets are your secrets. Nothing about tonight will reach anyone, not from your lips."

"I don't care about your secrets, Brightness, as long as you let me do my duty."

"And if you turn out not to be a man of honor, you claim to be," she continued, "rest assured I'll have the motivation and the resources to make you regret that greatly."

"I don't doubt it," he said evenly. "Anything else?"

"No," she sighed with annoyance. "We've wasted enough time already. Let's go."

***

As much as Jasnah didn't wish for the company, it felt slightly reassuring to not go all alone into what could be the most obvious trap of the War of Reckoning. 

Even if it was ridiculous to think that one soldier would make much of a difference. And if it was a trap, she'd rather not have witnesses to her stupidity. 

Storms, perhaps she wished to be left alone after all.

At least, Kaladin didn't slow her down. He seemed at ease in the chasms, finding his way easily between the occasional obstacles. And, thankfully, he kept quiet. 

Most of the time.

"Since we've got the _you won't tell anyone anything_ part taken care of, will you enlighten me what have I gotten myself into exactly, Brightness?" he asked finally.

Jasnah snorted softly. "Isn't it a little too late to worry about that, captain?"

"I'd rather know what to watch out for."

Jasnah took a moment to analyze how many details she needed to share.

"We're going to a place where a few days ago I found a most cryptic message, almost certainly left by a Parshendi. I asked the author to meet me and explain what it meant exactly."

He shook his head slowly. "You did _what?_ "

"It may be a trap, of course," she continued undiscouraged. "But I doubt it. Whoever wrote the words, they couldn't expect who exactly would be the one to find them. And they wouldn't gain anything from capturing or killing a random human."

Kaladin didn't seem convinced, but he let that pass. "What was the message?"

" _You need to leave,"_ she quoted. _"They are going to release the unspeakable evil to destroy you. Leave, or we will all die, one by one, you and us both._ " The words never stopped to make her shiver, just a little.

The man was shaking his head again. "That sounds like a madman's talking. I can't believe you've risked so much for it."

Jasnah didn't reveal that the threat aligned too well with what she knew from other sources to ignore it.

"I won't be surprised if it is. I will be even less surprised if the person who wrote it hasn't found my message or couldn't make it tonight for any other reason. But as long as there remains the slightest chance of this warning to be true… I have to know more. The implications would be unimaginable."

"You could at least have taken someone with you," he insisted.

"Who?" she shrugged. "An army? We'd alarm their full forces. A few men? If it truly is a trap, it won't do any good but getting all of them killed as well."

"So here we are," Kaladin grunted. "How much further?"

"Not much. Quiet, now."

They slowed down, approaching the place of the meeting. Jasnah led them to hide behind a corner to observe the chasm. A lonely figure was standing in the middle of it, seemingly defenseless. They approached slowly.

"Are you the one who wrote the message?" Jasnah asked when they got closer to the man. Or so she assumed, judging by the beard and what little they knew about the Parshendi.

"I am," he said calmly. "You can call me Veshi."

Jasnah should probably come up with some fake names of their own, but he didn't wait for her reply. 

"And you must be the one who asked to meet me and explain it further," Veshi continued. "I've decided to do so to make sure you treat it seriously. I don't understand, however, what else you want to know from me. I believe I've made myself quite clear."

Jasnah shook her head. "You can't expect me to convince the king to abandon the vengeance, the glory, and the gemstones, and run from here based on a vague and unfounded threat. As it is, I'm not even convinced myself. I need details, if not direct proof."

"Despite what you may think, I'm not a traitor," Veshi continued proudly. "I wouldn't share a word if I didn't believe it was in the best interest of my people too. You should take what you got gratefully, or I'm afraid you will learn what you want to learn by living through it. And no, it's not a threat, it's a warning."

Jasnah gritted her teeth helplessly. Time to play some cards to move the game forward. "Is this about the Desolations? Is this what you've implied? You've got a way to bring those? The Voidbringers?"

The Parshendi was a little taken aback, scared even, which meant she must have hit the nail on the head.

"This is not how we call them. And this is not something that we aim to do. But this war has pushed us to look for power where it's not safe to look. This…"

"Someone's coming," Kaladin interrupted. For a moment, Jasnah wanted to strangle him, but then she listened too. There was a noise approaching from the direction that Veshi must have come from. The Parshendi moved more silently than the humans, so there managed to get too many of them, too close.

"Storms." Veshi glanced behind. "I've been followed. You need to run. You need to save yourself and stop this."

"No. Please. Tell me, at least…"

"Brightness, you can't do anything with this information if you're dead," Kaladin noticed impatiently.

They were around the corner now.

" _Run!_ " Veshi yelled.

Before the self-preservation instinct managed to win in Jasnah's head with the desperate need to learn more, Kaladin grabbed her by the hand and pulled her behind him, running back towards the camps. She wanted to shout at him, tell him to stop, to go back and take Veshi with them, but as soon as she looked back, an arrow came from the dark behind and pierced his throat.

Then the arrows kept coming. One tore Jasnah's hand, the one that Kaladin wasn't holding, another just missed her head. She instinctively breathed in some Stormlight to heal her. Then some more to keep up with Kaladin's pace. This wouldn't suffice for too long, though.

Damnation. Damnation, _damnation!_

_Focus. Now you need to get out of here. You'll worry about the rest later._

She recalled the shape of the chasms in the area and quickly chose a route that might give them a chance to lose the Parshendi.

"Left," she gasped, and they rushed along a narrow chasm. They turned again quickly. Then, again and again, until she heard the Parshendi stop at a crossing, shout, and split, part of the group still following them and another continuing in the opposite direction.

"Can you tell how many are following us now?" she asked.

Kaladin listened carefully for a moment, not slowing down.

"Twenty, I think. Maybe more." Too many.

They kept running, taking turns as often as possible to avoid the arrows and lose the chase. After what felt like an eternity, they heard the Parshendi split again. Four groups. Once more and they may be able to...

Jasnah run out of Stormlight.

Suddenly, the weariness fell on her, and not only she couldn't keep up the pace, she knew soon enough she would barely be able to keep running at all. 

"Are you hurt?" Kaladin asked when he saw her slowing down.

"No… just tired." It was pathetic, but there was nothing to be done about it.

Kaladin looked around, concerned.

"We can't keep running like this," he decided. "You know how to get back to the camp from here?"

"Yes, but…"

"Good. You keep going as fast as you can, and I'll stop them."

She stumbled and gasped. "Are you insane? You'll die, and they'll catch up with me soon after anyway."

They took another turn, and Kaladin stopped right around the corner, looking back to where they came from, and from where they could hear the impending pursuit.

"I'll be fine. Go. _Now!_ " he pushed her lightly.

For a moment, Jasnah just stared in disbelief. Then she made a quick calculation. He had faced worse than this, and she could only be a distraction here. It will be easier for Kaladin to fight without having to watch her back too. It's not like they had any more reasonable plan anyway.

So why did it feel like nothing but cowardice?

Nevertheless, she ran. This chasm was short, and she quickly found another corner to hide behind. The Parshendi group reached Kaladin's hiding spot and stopped to consider which way they should follow.

Kaladin didn't give them a chance to think for long. He jumped at them, spear in his hand, and before they knew what was going on, two Parshendi were already dead.

Jasnah understood the occasional need for violence, but she considered it a necessary evil at best. Soldiers boasting of their achievements in the practice and in the field mildly annoyed her, as she couldn't help but wonder what unimaginable things people could achieve if all the effort they put into destruction they would put into something more productive.

But, storms alight, this time, she couldn't take her eyes off the fight. Kaladin's spear seemed to get its own life in his hands, hitting the next targets with such precision, such smoothness as if it itself knew precisely where it would hit three strikes ahead, composing them all into one perfect move. It was a dance, but with only two dancing partners, Kaladin and his spear, in which the Parshendi looked almost like a mere distraction. The blood was flowing, and the bodies were falling, and yet it was so horribly, so nightmarishly beautiful.

But there were a dozen of the Parshendi to start with, and Kaladin couldn't avoid all the blows. One after another, left arm, leg, at least three to the side. None of them deadly, together they worked against Kaladin, slowing him down with every second. In the chaos of the fight, she saw some of the Parshendi sneaking around, preparing to strike from the back.

Jasnah froze. She couldn't just stand there and watch it like such a coward, could she? Of course, the alternative was foolish. She's done enough reckless and foolish things for one night.

She ran. This time, towards the fight. If she had had a night of bad choices, she could at least stay consistent. And, above all else, she had one more trick up her sleeve that she wasn't going to hide until it was too late.

One of the Parshendi noticed her. He bared his teeth and left Kaladin alone for the second, deciding to get her out of the way first. She was running at him like a madwoman, no armor or weapon in hand. He prepared to strike her, relaxed, sure she'd be an easy win, and he could resume his plan in a moment.

He couldn't do anything against a Shardblade. And hers didn't require ten heartbeats to summon.

Then, there remained five Parshendi, and when they saw Jasnah, they shrieked and focused on her. A Shardbearer had to be dealt with first. That was the weak part of the plan; no matter how invincible the weapon itself was, she was so untrained she could almost hurt herself as surely as the enemies. Not to mention trying to defend herself from the attacks of multiple foes at the same time. 

One of the Parshendi almost cut her head off. She clumsily reached him more with her blade, burning his eyes out, while another hit her in the stomach with something blunt. She fell to the ground, dropping Ivory and for a moment, thought that was it. But meanwhile, Kaladin, relieved from the pressure of attack, could now deal with them as quickly and easily as ever.

And just like that, suddenly it was over. Jasnah found the sudden silence deafening.

She looked around in disbelief. _So many._

"Are you all right?" Kaladin asked quietly.

"I think so," she replied, not sure if she meant it. "You?"

He nodded. He seemed exhausted but not likely to collapse and die anytime soon. 

"I think I had told you to run."

"I think you're not my commander."

"Lucky me." Kaladin looked at her intently, then turned back and stared at the pile of Parshendi bodies with an unreadable expression on his face.

"We should go before the others follow the sounds of the fight," Jasnah said. Kaladin nodded and helped her to her feet. 

"How do we get out of here, and quickly?" he asked.

Jasnah considered that for a moment.

"This way," she said and they continued their long way home.


	5. Chapter 5

It was a peculiar feeling, walking in silence just like they did before, on the same night and through the same chasms, and yet while nothing was the same at all. 

Not for the first time, Kaladin wondered what he had gotten himself into. Why couldn't the storming woman sneak out for a meeting with a secret lover or do anything else that an average person would? No, instead, she dragged him straight into some world-threatening affair with an impossible fight and a potentially bottomless bag of secrets included in the package.

He had to admit, though, that if he was upset, it was mostly with himself. Not only because he asked for all of it while the princess tried to get rid of him. An irrational, malicious part of Kaladin's brain was convinced it was all his fault. Bad things happened to those around him. Maybe if he never went with Jasnah, nothing would happen. Perhaps she wouldn't even need him.

_This is ridiculous. The world doesn't revolve around you._

Besides, she did come back for him - foolish lighteyes.

 _If one of the reportedly most brilliant and well-educated women in the whole world is a fool, how does that make_ you _look like?_

Fortunately, the princess distracted him from his thoughts.

"I suppose I'm glad you followed me, after all," she said suddenly, in a voice both calm and confident. "I don't think I'd have made it out of there alive on my own. Thank you."

Kaladin couldn't quite get this woman. At times, she was so regal and aloof, a lighteyes in every way and then some. Unquestionably, like all of them, convinced that it was only right that the darkeyes should serve her, protect her, and die for her. She shouldn't care to thank him, and she most certainly shouldn't admit that he had been right to disobey her. 

And then she did just that, so matter-of-factly like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

"Does it mean you're done with making such escapades on your own?" he grunted.

"My informer is dead," she said grimly. "And the risk is unreasonable. But at least I've got new leads to follow."

"You asked the Parshendi about the Desolations and the Voidbringers. Is this what you're researching? Is this what you are looking for in the Plains?" That was another piece of the puzzle that didn't quite fit. A scholar taking so much pride in her rationality, suddenly taking an interest in legends and children's stories.

 _As if you could still tell one from another._ He shivered.

"Yes and no," she said uneasily. "You know I specialize in history?" 

He nodded.

"I'm particularly interested in ancient history and myths. To be precise, in how these are, at their roots, two sides of the same coin. The Shattered Plains are a mostly unexplored area, and I found it likely that I could discover some most intriguing traces of ancient civilizations here. If I find the information about Voidbringers instead, well... it might yet turn out to be just what I've been looking for."

"Is that related to the visions of Highprince Dalinar? Why wouldn't you tell him about all of it?"

Jasnah shrugged. "I keep telling myself that I can always tell him, or that I don't have that much to share, or that I can't be sure how he'll react. But I'm afraid the truth is, I've gotten used to doing this on my own. It's comfortable as it is."

She didn't seem too uncomfortable sharing it with him, though. Of course, it wasn't nearly the most astonishing revelation of the night, either. If the princess ever decided Kaladin threatened her secrets, she'd need to get rid of him anyway.

She clearly wasn't going to elaborate further anyway, as she suddenly changed the topic.

"Where did you learn to fight like that?" she asked.

"Like what?"

Jasnah shook her head. "Don't pretend. I might not have gone into battle, but I've seen men practicing often enough. And I've never seen anything like this." She didn't make it sound like a compliment, only a statement of fact, which made Kaladin feel more comfortable accepting it.

"I wasn't always a slave," he said. "Before, I served in the army of Highmarshal Amaram. I had plenty of time to learn there." He hesitated. "But frankly, learning to wield the spear, it never felt all that much like learning. No more than a child learns to laugh or to cry."

He felt the blood rushing to his face. Why did he say that? It was such an irrelevant personal detail. Jasnah had shared more than a few secrets with him today, but it didn't make him owe her his.

At least, she didn't laugh or tease him.

"Is it that why you had joined the army? You had found your true calling?"

"No. It wasn't why. Not then," now that Kaladin had started sharing those half-buried feelings, it was oddly easy to keep going. "Ever since I first took a spear in my hand - not even a real spear, a stick really - for a time, I dreamt about it. Then I learned better. And then they took my brother."

"So you went to protect him," she finished.

_How did she figure that out so instantly?_

"I did," he whispered. "But, I failed."

Somehow, saying it all that out loud, it was different than going through it, again and again, in his head only.

Painful. Dangerously liberating.

Why was it so easy to tell all that to the princess, of all people? Maybe because she would most likely forget it all the next day, having much more significant matters to deal with than the sorrows of some irrelevant darkeyes. And, perhaps, because for the moment, it almost seemed as if she was genuinely interested to know.

"I know what you mean," she said quietly. "There's something about mourning that makes the guilt nearly inseparable from the sorrow." 

Kaladin stiffened. What could she know about it? Thousands of people, including his men, stood in line to give their lives away for her brother. And with the Shards, he'd inherited from...

"Your father," he realized.

She pursed her lips. "Yes."

"I doubt you could have done much against the Assassin in White himself," he noticed.

"I doubt you could have done much against the whole enemy army and some bad luck."

Kaladin opened his mouth to respond, but he found himself unable to do so. What could he say? That he should have figured something out? He had no argument that this relentlessly logical woman could respond to without raising her eyebrows. No, what Jasnah had said was too... Kaladin couldn't quite find the right word. 

_True,_ he realized. These weren't meaningless words of comfort, but the bare and cold truth, one that couldn't quite find its way straight into his heart, one he wasn't ready to accept, but also one he couldn't deny. For an instant, he became crisply aware of how the shroud of darkness surrounding his thoughts was a pitiful creation of his own mind. It wasn't yet possible for him to see beyond it. But there _was_ a beyond. 

"Thank you," he said shortly, not sure if he could trust the sound of his voice.

She only nodded and didn't pursue the topic.

Only now Kaladin realized they have reached a more familiar area of the chasms. It wouldn't be long before they would need to stay silent to avoid raising an alarm. He stopped Jasnah, grabbing her arm.

"We still need to talk about your Blade."

She glared at him, startled.

"So you have noticed," she sighed.

"Of course. And also that you barely have an idea with which point to stick."

She raised an eyebrow warningly.

"Even if you don't flaunt it, someone must know, right? Someone must have given it to you. The king, or the highprince. I mean, you hardly could have won it in a duel."

"Why does it matter?"

"Because if you're not going to stay out of trouble, you should at least find someone to teach you. Without the skill, an invincible weapon like this will only make you reckless."

She cocked her head, considering. "Fair point. Unfortunately, nobody knows, and I don't exactly intend to brag about it. However, you know already. And you certainly know how to fight, too. So, since you're so concerned with my safety..."

Kaladin got angry. "I'm not joking. You need someone who's experienced with an actual Shardblade."

"I've heard you're a good teacher. And, apparently, a man who doesn't faint at the sight of a woman with a sword. It'll suffice for now. As you've noticed, I'm a beginner anyway."

That storming woman!

"I'm a spearman, Brightness. You aren't such a beginner to not realize the difference."

"I'm sure we'll figure something out. We should start soon enough. You're right, I've neglected my education in this regard."

"Brightness..."

"I'll let you know when I'll have some time. Let's now get back, shall we? I'm exhausted, and I imagine you must be too."

Kaladin only growled under his breath. And to think he almost started to dislike that woman a little less.

When he had finally freed himself from Brightness Jasnah, he could no longer ignore Syl's snickering.

"And what makes you so amused?" he asked, annoyed.

"Oh, she played you well!" Syl chuckled.

"Shouldn't you be on _my_ side?"

"I always am! And I really think it won't hurt if you spend a little more time around girls, especially smart and pretty ones."

He looked at her in disbelief.

"Are you out of your storming mind?"

"Never. In a way, I'm almost _a_ mind, remember?"

Kaladin leaned against the wall, exhausted.

"Can we at least mark that research trip to the Plains as done, please?"

Syl grew serious. "I think we've had enough of that. But Kaladin, the things they were talking about… I'm worried."

"End of the world? How about for now we focus on the problems we can actually deal with."

"Like how to make you a swordmaster?"

Kaladin grunted. "So it seems."


	6. Chapter 6

A mere few heartbeats after Jasnah had closed the door to her rooms, she collapsed on her bed with a deep sigh of relief.

"Go on, Ivory. Tell me I'm reckless and foolish, and whatever else you must be thinking at the moment."

"You took a risk," he responded. "But it didn't go as bad as I was worried it would. And, as you've said, we've got new leads to follow."

"I've dug deep into whatever I could find on the Parshendi after my father's death, but I need to go through it again, looking at it from a different angle. I'll start sending requests over the spanreeds tomorrow."

Ivory nodded. "It is progress. Let me also say it's good that you've decided to learn to wield me properly."

"And, after tonight, what do you think of my new teacher?" 

Despite his typically reserved demeanor, her spren looked almost unhappy. "While I don't discard the possibility that he may be a traitor, at the same time, I'm starting to wonder if he might not only be loyal but possibly loyal to the point of suicidal. Two options at the very opposite sides of the spectrum of possibility. You, humans, are too confusing."

Jasnah smiled. "I know what you mean. But I don't think this was loyalty. It wasn't personal in this way. It could almost be a sense of duty if only the captain weren't so flexible with which orders and customs he chooses to follow."

"What would you say it was then?"

Jasnah pondered for moment. “Honor.”

Ivory was unimpressed. "Honor is dead."

"Literally, yes. But figuratively, in the hearts of men and women, I'll insist it lives on if only you look hard enough."

"So does it mean you'll trust him now?" Ivory sounded unconvinced.

"As much as I trust nearly anyone, I suppose," Jasnah said grimly. "You were the one who insisted that I couldn't keep doing everything on my own, remember? And in this case, the damage is already done, so I may as well roll with it."

"I don't take that back. But I'm nevertheless confused. Captain Kaladin had saved your family before. Still, you thought it could be a part of cunning deception. What was different about today's situation? "

"Perhaps I'm not fully reasonable about it, Ivory. There's something inexplicable about going through life-threatening experiences together with someone. I acknowledge that my judgment may be somewhat clouded, and I'm willing to change my mind, given new information. But there is one little detail that makes me think I'm not mistaken."

He looked at her questioningly.

"The look on his face when he saw the people he killed."

***

Kaladin practiced the sequence for the hundredth time. A thousand more, and he might start getting somewhere. Ten thousand, and Zahel may decide he's ready to move on to the next one.

But he'd lie if he said he didn't enjoy the practice. If he genuinely didn't, next time he would see the princess, he would tell her where precisely in Damnation she could go and look for a sword fighting teacher. But as it was, he probably would continue the training just for his own sake. The sword was a welcome challenge. It didn't come alive in his hands the way the spear did, but the struggle kept his mind occupied.

"Bored?" Zahel teased. Kaladin was so focused he didn't notice when the ardent had come back.

"It's not my first fighting practice. I've been aware of the more wearisome parts."

"Good. We might yet make a swordsman out of you." He observed Kaladin for a moment longer. "All right. It's been a few days. We might as well see if you can link the little technique you've learned to those instincts you already have."

Despite all his talk about the need for practice, Kaladin felt a surge of excitement.

"Let's start with that last sequence, shall we?"

He repeated the cuts and blocks, this time having Zahel's as a more realistic target. He felt like moved excruciatingly slowly, but the swordmaster didn't comment on that.

"Again."

Kaladin did as asked, but this time he changed the direction of the last blow. Zahel wasn't caught by surprise - Kaladin wasn't sure if that was even possible - but he played along, responding with an attack of his own. He slowed his moves enough so that Kaladin had the chance to prepare the right block.

"You want to have a real sparring?" Zahel attacked without waiting for an answer. Kaladin was stuck for a heartbeat, thinking about how he should defend himself, then his long-trained instincts kicked in. He all but ignored all his freshly-learned sword-fighting skills and simply dodged the attack, attempting to throw Zahel off balance. The next thing he knew, Kaladin was lying on the ground, apparently with a freshly forming bruise on his back.

"Again. This time, use at least some of what you've learned."

Kaladin managed to block the first blow before he again ended up bruised and defeated on his knees. Zahel slowed the tempo down, allowing Kaladin to pretend that he could stand his ground for a little longer. 

"You're making progress," Zahel concluded, once he was done with him.

"Haven't you mocked me enough?" Kaladin grunted.

"I'm not mocking you. I'm teaching. What you've achieved in merely a few days is quite remarkable. Of course, that only means I expect you to keep training, and twice as hard as anyone." His eyes narrowed. "Enough for today, I'll see you tomorrow."

Kaladin gave his training sword back hesitantly and left the training ground. He knew the basics by now, but he was painfully aware of how much more work it would require to commit the right moves to muscle memory, so that he had them ready right away, without thinking. He could play the game, but in a real fight, he would be dead in seconds.

Fortunately, his next challenge involving a sword wasn't going to be a real fight. 

As if summoned by his thoughts, near the exit, he spotted the last person he wanted to talk to at the moment.

Jasnah should seem entirely out of place here, so fine and elegant in the brightly colored havah, standing out among all the men training and sweating. But she appeared so confident and at ease, she only made Kaladin feel as if he was somehow to blame for daring to stay in her presence in his messy state.

"Brightness," he said once it became clear he couldn't just pretend he didn't see her. "If you are going to make fun of how bad I am with the sword…"

"...then you'll be excused for making fun of me soon enough," she smirked a little. "In fact, if you get me fighting like this after a few sessions, I'll be impressed with both of us."

He grunted. Why didn't he tell Jasnah to go to Damnation back when she came up with this ridiculous idea? He probably tried, but then again, it *was* his fault that he ever brought the matter up in the first place. And he would suffer for it.

"What do you think about starting tonight?" she asked.

"The sooner we do, the sooner we'll be done with it."

"Perfect. I know a place close enough where we shouldn't be bothered."

Kaladin only grunted again.

***

At the very least, Jasnah had the decency to come to the training adequately prepared. She wore a scout's dress with trousers underneath, a glove on the safehand, and her hair put in a simple tidy bun.

"I'm ready," she said. "Tell me what to do." Five words Kaladin never thought he'd hear from a lighteyes. He cleared his throat.

"You know how to dull the edge?"

"Hmm," she focused, then checked the edge with the tip of her finger. "I think I got it," she said with satisfaction.

Kaladin was shocked. "Don't ever do that again. You could lose the feeling in that finger if it didn't work."

"Noted. What now?"

"We'll start with the basic cut from the side, and then we'll practice a block for it. Let me show you."

It quickly became apparent that Kaladin's previous experience did make all the difference. Jasnah was a true beginner; her posture was decent enough - no wonder, as she always proudly held her back straight. But the footwork, fluency of movement, and finally putting it all together - that required a lot more practice and attention. 

Kaladin quickly fell into the familiar routine, correcting the princess like he would do with any recruit - putting her elbows back in place, mercilessly throwing her off balance whenever he noticed her stance had become unstable. He was wondering when she would have enough and tell him to keep his hands to himself, but she received his comments and corrections with an uncanny calmness that didn't diminish her dignity. Of course, she had dragged him into this, so it was only right she would appreciate his efforts and do her best to learn.

He noted with some respect that even when she was already visibly exhausted, she didn't ask to end the practice, only gritted her teeth and kept on trying.

"That's enough for today," he decided finally. "It will do you no good if you can't move a finger tomorrow."

"Does it mean we'll continue tomorrow?" she asked, half-hopeful, half-worried.

"I'm sure we both have other things to attend to. Every two or three days should be more than enough."

"Very well, you're the expert here," she said, and Kaladin couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not.

"Brightness..." he grumbled.

“Jasnah,” Jasnah interrupted.

He rolled his eyes. "I know."

"No, I mean, in private, you can call me Jasnah."

Kaladin looked at her doubtfully, unsure if it was a trap.

"That would be rather inappropriate."

"Which you care about since when? Besides, you spit out _Brightness_ as if it was the greatest insult in the world anyway, so I don't think I'll miss it terribly."

She did have a point there.

"As you wish… Jasnah. I suppose you can call me Kaladin, then."

She smiled. "Perfect. Since we are such friends now, will you tell me why you hate the lighteyes so much you can barely say the customary titles?"

So it _was_ a trap.

"Given my history in Sadeas' bridges, would you say I have no reason?"

"Your men shared that experience and yet don't appear to share the sentiment. Besides, that could make you hate specifically Sadeas' and his officers, or any slave owners. But you hate all the lighteyes. Why?"

"It's not a problem of one person or a few," he argued. "The power you lighteyes have, it eventually corrupts anyone. I've had more than one example to learn from."

"Is it about what happened between that citylord and your family, Kaladin? You've asked me to make sure he wouldn't abuse his power over them. I'd like to understand why."

Kaladin crossed his arms. "If you have to know, he hated my father because he thought he stole from him. More so, because he wasn't omnipotent and couldn't save his son's life. He made our lives miserable in any way he could until he finally sent my little brother to the army to die."

"And did your father steal from him?"

"What difference does it make?" Kaladin snapped.

"I'm not saying it makes any." She met his eyes calmly but didn't press the matter. "Anyway, I took care of it. He won't raise his hand against your family anymore."

"How can you be so sure?" Kaladin asked.

"I made it clear that if anyone mistreated them, I would be… personally disappointed."

"I bet few people would risk that." He hesitated, then grumbled: "Thank you."

Jasnah appeared thoughtful. "Yes, few people would. And perhaps I have learned to take it for granted. I lied and possibly misused the influence I have, all that not without pleasure. And since it was for a good cause, I don't even feel guilty about it. I suppose you would say that I am, like every lighteyes, corrupted."

Kaladin blinked, startled. Then he felt a twinge of shame. If she was corrupted, then he was a hypocrite. If he had a chance to see a scene like that, see Jasnah threaten Roshone, tell him to leave his family alone, have him crawling at their feet, what would he do?

Most likely, he would watch. And he would enjoy every second of it.

"You ask yourself such questions," he said quietly. "You listen, and you self-reflect. That alone makes you nothing like anyone else, lighteyes or not."

She smiled faintly, surprised. Then came in closer.

"I've enjoyed our training today. I realize this goes well beyond your usual duties, so let me ask you properly this time: will you continue teaching me?"

Storms alight. There was something about that woman that made it very difficult to refuse her.

Although Kaladin wasn't sure anymore if he even wanted to.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, I slowly start to weave the canon events back into the story. My aim is to tweak and supplement the original storyline where it makes sense, rather than completely replace it. However, I won't hesitate to mess with some details and, most importantly, timing. The books' episodic structure makes it relatively easy to make shifts without instantly throwing all the logic out of the window. Still, you may be confused if you remember them a little too well and try to make too many connections.   
> For example, in canon, we'd now have about 60 days until the Everstorm. When, in a few chapters, you start to wonder if all that's happened could have possibly fitted into this short period, you can safely assume that either Dalinar hasn't received his "deadline" on the wall yet or that it just showed a somewhat higher number. Which of these it is, isn't relevant to the story. I'll make sure to always have some plausible explanation, but if it's too meta and disconnected from the events, I won't include it in the text.  
> Or maybe I just worry too much? In the end, it's canon divergence that brought us all here.

Jasnah stifled a yawn. The days after her late-night fighting lessons were always a little more challenging than most, but she was afraid that she would need all the concentration she could muster up in this meeting. Uncle Dalinar had announcements, and lately, that was a promise of trouble. Not that she disagreed - it was high time someone showed those highprinces their places - nevertheless, the implications were giving her a headache.

He had gathered a small selected group: only their family, General Khal with Brightness Teshav, and Kaladin. Jasnah briefly met his eyes, and they exchanged a hint of a smile. It was refreshing and strangely reassuring to share a little secret with someone else. She never realized how much of a burden those mysteries were to her until she had partially freed herself from a small piece of them.

Of course, theoretically, she had added a new one to the pile. But sneaking out in the eveningsto secret and absolutely improper meetings with a man - even if the impropriety lay in something entirely different than it would be conventionally expected - wasn't a disturbing secret to have. On the contrary, in her case, there was something nearly comical to it.

Jasnah turned her attention back to what her uncle was saying. Uniting Alethkar, this time for real, and making all the highprinces work together - that was a grand vision, but she wasn't sure if Dalinar was ready to carry it out. And even if he did, what would be Elhokar's role in all this? She believed their uncle had the best intentions, but it worried her how both restless and resigned her brother had become. And yet, how could she blame Dalinar? Jasnah believed there was a good king buried deep underneath Elhokar's insecurity and rashness, but they couldn't wait forever for him to find it.

"Uncle, if I may," Jasnah interrupted the prolonged and increasingly chaotic discussion. "But what is exactly your plan? Although it's most inconvenient, you can't exactly beat the highprinces into submission like common recruits."

"Can't say it hasn't crossed my mind," Dalinar sighed.

"Beating is hardly the best way of disciplining recruits anyway," Kaladin said suddenly. He received a few long looks but did not cringe. 

"And what would you say is the best way?" Dalinar encouraged him to continue.

"The most effective one is to split the troublemakers. If that's impossible - as likely is the case here - the next best option is to disarm them. Make them look and feel helpless. "

"Interesting that you've mentioned it," Dalinar said with a smile. "Because that's just what I'm going to do. Or, should I say, what Adolin is going to do."

"Me?" Adolin asked, dumbfounded.

"You've been complaining about not being able to duel for years," Dalinar said, appearing rather pleased with himself. "Now you'll have the chance, many chances. And in the process, you will relieve the other princedoms of their precious Shards."

Adolin grinned happily, but Jasnah wasn't convinced.

"The whole concept is based on whether Adolin will be able to defeat all Shardbearers in the kingdom, and, before that, whether they will even be willing to give him that chance? Am I the only one who sees holes in this plan?"

"It doesn't need to be all," Navani said. "Only enough to shift the balance."

"So you've known about this? And didn't tell me?" Jasnah asked. She shouldn't whine like a little girl in front of everyone, but she was baffled. Even if they didn't always agree with each other, Navani valued her input in political matters, and it was odd that she wouldn't discuss this idea with her privately before the meeting.

"Dear, it's not like it's easy to find you these days," Navani reprimanded her gently. Jasnah grimaced, as she probably deserved that. "But I'm sure you already have a better idea, so let's hear it.

Jasnah cleared her throat. "Captain Kaladin has raised an interesting suggestion, and I don't mean the one about disarming. Though he himself immediately glossed over it." She gave Kaladin a slightly disapproving look, which he didn't appear to appreciate. "We don't need to take separating highprinces so literally. Let's weaken their already fragile alliances with disturbing rumors, initiate conflicts of interests, make them compete for favors. They will be too busy undermining each other to cause us trouble."

"Pardon me, Brightness," Kaladin spoke rather respectfully, but she knew him well enough by now to notice his irritation. "But isn't that the direct opposite of what we were supposed to achieve here?"

"The contradiction is seeming," she clarified. "We can make them collaborate where we want them to, but make them squabble about everything else."

"And how will you make sure this division is so convenient? They have already crossed the line without even being encouraged to do so. Planting additional seeds of chaos into this situation will yield..."

"You forget yourself, soldier," Teshav interrupted. "Brightness Jasnah is well-versed in politics, better than you can ever hope to be. I suggest that..."

"Brightness Jasnah is well-versed enough to defend her own arguments," Jasnah snapped.

"Enough, all of you," said Dalinar. He gave Jasnah a disapproving look. And he was right: it wasn't like her to lose her composure over something so trivial. She felt blood rushing to her cheeks. 

"This kingdom is a pile of dry wood hung over a fire," Dalinar continued, "and I'm not going to drop it straight down into it, at least not before I exhaust all other options. We can get back to it later, now, I have one more announcement to make." He breathed in and out deeply. "I've decided to refound the Knights Radiant."

If the desired effect was to make everyone forget about the previous discussion topic, it worked marvelously. Everyone started to argue what was more inept about the idea, the eagerness to emulate the infamous traitors, or the thought that Dalinar would be capable of doing it without access to the ancient powers.

Jasnah grimaced. If her uncle had a helplessly skewed perception of what it would take to restore the Radiants, it was partially her fault. But she couldn't possibly put herself into a position where he could try to use her in this venture. In his stubbornness, Dalinar would likely see her as the person most suited for executing his idea. And she needed him to acknowledge that the concept was improper in its very essence.

"Uncle, don't you think you have enough to worry about as it is?" she tried.

"I won't lead the Knights Radiant myself," Dalinar responded calmly. "I've decided to ask my old friend, Meridas Amaram. I won't have a chance to properly talk to him until he gets here to the Shattered Plains, in a few weeks at most, so it's not set in stone yet. But all of you must know him, if not personally, then at least for his reputation, and I believe you'll agree he'll make an excellent choice."

The little crowd gathered in the room didn't flinch. Refounding the Knights Radiant was too much already. Dalinar could announce a trained chull would lead them, and it wouldn't make the matter that much more ridiculous. 

Except he didn't. He chose a man of impeccable reputation, indeed, a modern Knight Radiant if there was one.

Jasnah wanted to scream.

Then she noticed that there was someone else who didn't share the common sentiment. Kaladin's eyes widened, his jaws clenched. And he was looking at Dalinar as if he had just thrown his beloved pet into the chasm.

_What did he do to you?_

When the meeting had finally finished, she stopped him by the door. 

"Can we talk?" she asked.

"Now?" Kaladin said wearily. He has already shaken off the shock and seemed his typical grim self.

"It won't take long."

He nodded. "Moash, take over for me," he ordered one of the guardsmen who had now left the balcony he had occupied during the meeting.

"Sir...?"

"I'll catch up with you later."

Jasnah led Kaladin to her suite and shut the door a little too vigorously. He raised an eyebrow.

"What is it, Jasnah?"

"He can't do it. We can't let him do it."

"You mean…"

"One moment." She checked the windows and the doors and led Kaladin to one of the inner rooms before she finally burst out. " _That bastard_ at the head of those so-called Knights Radiant? Over my dead body."

Kaladin stared at her. "You… know? Who he really is?"

"He disguises himself well, doesn't he? But I always knew, deep in my bones, that such an impeccable mask couldn't have been crafted for just any reason. For once in my life, I wished I was wrong."

"What happened?" he asked with concern.

"Nothing. Forget it."

"Jasnah…"

"The point is," she interrupted quickly, "I have no proof. But when I saw your reaction, I thought maybe you could have something."

Kaladin laughed dryly. "A proof? How would I have proof? Only my word against his, and if you think Dalinar won't listen to his own niece, then good luck to me."

"It doesn't have to be a material one **.** " Jasnah sat on the couch and gestured towards Kaladin to join her, but he remained standing. "If you tell me what happened, maybe we will figure something out."

"We won't, Jasnah. Stormfather, it's so insane I doubt even _you_ will believe me."

"Oh, now, I _have to_ hear it."

He looked into her eyes defiantly. "For starters, when I was in Amaram's army, I killed a Shardbearer." 

Jasnah did her best to keep her face smooth. "Go on."

Kaladin studied her for a moment, then finally sat down beside her with another sigh.

"He tried to kill Amaram in battle, and I foolishly didn't let him. Amaram was my hero, can you believe it? He had promised not to send my brother into battle, and he had broken it, and even after that, I gave it all I had, and I let my men die to save him. When, against everything, I succeeded... I couldn't take the Shards. They killed so many of my men, I couldn't even look at them. So I gave them away to one of the few who survived."

"You gave away a set of Shards," Jasnah repeated dryly.

"Believe me, I'm aware of how stupid this sounds. Especially already knowing the consequences." She only shook her head, not willing to argue further.

"Amaram also thought it was a foolish decision," Kaladin continued bitterly. "So he decided to pretend none of this had ever happened. He killed all my remaining men, took the Shards for himself, and me, he sold into slavery in a moment of graciousness."

"Storms alight," she whispered after a moment of silence.

He was foolish, giving up the Shards, but the price he paid for it was a hundred times too high. She was coming to understand the bitterness that consumed him. Kaladin was no older than her, and he's already been through more than anyone should be asked to endure. Seeing the pain in his face and posture, she almost wanted to hug him and promise everything was going to be all right from now on.

"So, would you too say that I should tell Dalinar everything and see if he is willing to take my word for it?" he asked dryly.

"I..." she sighed. "I can't tell. I don't want you to get into trouble." She turned to face him. "I don't know which one is more unbelievable: a common soldier defeating a Shardbearer, or anyone turning their back on such power and social advancement. But anyone who's come to know you well enough would have to believe both." She smiled sadly. "The last part, though, I'm afraid my uncle wouldn't be so open to hearing about. It's… Stormfather, it's _too_ much."

The disappointment was written all over Kaladin's face.

"It doesn't mean we won't do anything, though," she clarified quickly. "We'll just tread lightly. Were there witnesses?"

"Several. All of them Amaram's loyal people."

"We should wait until they arrive. It's not something I would like to take care of through intermediaries. You'll point me towards those who could talk, and I'll find ways to make them talk."

For the first time, she saw a faint glimmer of hope in those eyes. If anything, that made her want to hug him even a little more.

Only now did she realize how late it was, certainly past the time when it would be proper for a lady to receive a visitor in her private rooms. It shouldn't bother her. After all, she'd always been somewhat selective with what kinds of propriety she could be bothered with.

She must have let that twinge of awkwardness show, however, for Kaladin stood up and said: "I should go. I'll see you tomorrow, as usual?"

Jasnah nodded with a smile, ignoring the little part of her mind telling her that all those meetings could have been, after all, a bad idea.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, can you believe we're almost there? I certainly won't write anything for a week. I'll be too busy reading you-know-what, and I bet many (most? all?) of you will be doing the same.
> 
> I don't plan to include any spoilers for RoW in this fic. If it does end up inspiring me to change the outline, I'll let you know, but for now, you can feel safe to keep reading even if you're going to wait with finishing the book for a little while. I might take into account anything new we learn to improve characterization (actually, there will be a detail or two influenced by the previews in the next chapter - let's see if you can spot them once it's out!), but nothing you could recognize without reading the book. 

Kaladin observed how the members of Bridge Four helped the men from other bridges with their training. He was proud of what they'd accomplished in the last weeks, all of them. And it was not only about the skills but, more importantly, the attitude. They had even started to stand and walk differently, more proudly and confidently.

He followed the familiar scent of the stew and found Rock hard at work on the evening meal.

"I see your culinary treatment is working wonders."

"I have done as you said with requisitioning the supplies and all. Our fellows have a poor taste in shells like anyone in Bridge Four, sadly, but what can I do," Rock complained but seemed content.

Kaladin smiled. "I'm glad to see them becoming part of the team. Good job."

Rock nodded, but his expression showed something was troubling him. "Kaladin," he said uneasily. "Since we are talking… I was unsure if I should speak to you about it, but better me than someone from the outside, right? So be angry at me if you need to, but I must do it for your own good."

Kaladin raised an eyebrow. "Speak freely, Rock. What's bothering you?"

"Kaladin… Let me just say, whatever reason you have to take shifts guarding Brightness Jasnah so often, make sure your uniform does not look like you were doing anything but… guarding, all right? Someone will finally notice, and I would hate you to get into any more trouble with those lighteyes."

Kaladin only stared at him, speechless. 

"What do you mean, Rock?" Syl asked. "And, Kaladin, why do you look so embarrassed?"

"Syl, I'll explain it later," Kaladin mumbled, reddened.

Syl pondered, then her face brightened up with a smile. "Oh, I think I get it. Rock suspects that you and Jasnah were kissing! That's so hilarious because, in reality…"

"Syl! Please."

"You're right. I can't talk about it. It's a secret," she whispered, giving Rock a conspiratorial wink.

"Rock, I appreciate your concern, but let me assure you I'm not quite as foolish as you worry," Kaladin said, having regained his composure. "Nevertheless, I'll think about your advice to avoid creating any wrong impression. I consider this topic closed. Now, I'll let you continue your work in peace."

Rock didn't look convinced, but he didn't press the matter. Kaladin walked away, careful about not looking too eager to do so.

"You see, I'm not the only one who thinks you and Jasnah look lovely together!" Syl exclaimed once they were alone.

"Syl, that's not _at all_ what Rock meant."

"Details. I don't understand why you're so defensive about it."

Kaladin gritted his teeth. "I'm not defensive, only realistic."

"But I know you like her!" Syl spun happily in the air. "She's smart, dedicated, and just, and she listens to you but also challenges you, and…"

"She's lighteyes," Kaladin interrupted. "And not even any lighteyes, but a storming princess."

"That's not nearly as important as any of the things I've mentioned. Which you didn't deny, by the way."

"It _is_ the most important one."

"I thought you were getting past your hate for the lighteyes," Syl said, looking disappointed. Kaladin's heart broke just a little every time he was the cause of that.

"I don't hate Jasnah," he said quietly. "But I also don't expect her to care for me once she doesn't need me anymore."

And he wouldn't blame her. It was only natural that their ways would part, sooner or later. The lighteyes and the darkeyes inhabited two separate worlds that could temporarily intersect, but to assume it was anything but that? It could only end in suffering.

"You're being unfair," Syl rebuked him gently. "Jasnah may be practical, but not two-faced. If you haven't noticed, she treats everyone with respect appropriate to their character and merits, and not their station." She giggled. "It's actually hilarious because, as a princess, she can mock all those other Brightlords and Brightladies all she wants! But around _you_ , you can tell she likes and respects you."

"I suppose we'll see about that eventually."

Syl could have even been right. Whenever Kaladin forgot himself, he did think of Jasnah as a friend, which was baffling enough. And if anyone else learned about it, it would become a source of neverending annoyance and speculation. Anything more, which Syl had suggested, was not only impossible but utterly unthinkable. Perhaps she hadn't gotten a perfect grasp on human conventions yet or was simply too good to be bothered with them. But that didn't make them disappear.

Being too close to Jasnah could only end badly for him. The earlier and the more decisively they would cut their ties, the less it would hurt. Perhaps it would be for the best if she had just betrayed him after all, and soon.

* * *

"Disarm me. Any technique, no holds barred."

Jasnah felt a little worried. Slowly repeating the sequences was easy enough, but coming up with the right responses on her own was different. And she wasn't accustomed to being terrible or even mediocre at anything she did. It would be humbling, but it was another worthy lesson to learn, and she would do so, holding her chin high.

"All holds barred except for making the Blade sharp, I assume?" she asked.

"Preferably, yes. I assume you wouldn't like to truly cut my legs and carry me back to the camps."

"If I am to disarm you, I will aim at the arms. You could still walk," Jasnah noticed.

Kaladin rolled his eyes. He did that often around her, but she learned to notice when he was covering his amusement as much as showing exasperation.

"Of course, for the sake of imitating a real-life threat, I will pretend any hit that you're going to land did damage of an unprotected Shardblade."

Jasnah raised her eyebrow. "Such uneven odds? You're going easy on me. I believe last time you said I was getting decent at this."

"Quite so. Considering that when holding a Shardblade against a usual weapon, you're not limited by blocks and openings, I'd expect you to confidently defeat someone quite competent."

Of course, he wasn't _quite competent_. With the sword, perhaps, but Jasnah herself suggested that she should practice against the spear as well. The indication in his statement could be taken by someone else as bragging, if only it wasn't a simple and undeniable fact.

Kaladin settled into a defensive posture, and Jasnah attempted a few attacks half-heartedly, warming up, then a few more daring. Kaladin didn't try to block her Blade with a spear, as under normal circumstances, that wouldn't end well. Instead, he stepped sideways, quickly and with ease. She could just as well try to pierce the wind.

The moment she deconcentrated, the spearhead was on her neck.

"You're dead," Kaladin said calmly. "Try again."

She did, and she failed, but it wasn't as frustrating as she would once expect. When Kaladin fought, he exuded contagious calm and delight. Ever since they started to move from the basics towards more practical applications, she had found herself enjoying the activity more and more. It still wasn't something she'd like to spend all her days doing, but when they didn't meet to train for a few days in a row, she genuinely missed it.

She deconcentrated again. Kaladin tried the same trick as before, and if he was checking whether she had learned something, Jasnah wasn't going to disappoint. At the last moment, she dodged the attack and aimed at his knees.

Kaladin hesitated for half a heartbeat before he fell like he should if hit with an unprotected Shardblade. Simultaneously, though, he caught her wrist, twisting it a little and forcing her to drop Ivory, then pulled her down behind him. She landed half on him, half on the ground, but neither exactly felt like a soft cushion.

"Ouch," she gasped, then felt the touch of sharp metal against her skin.

"You're dead again."

"And you're not going anywhere on those legs."

"I know," he smiled a broad, genuine smile. "You did well."

Storms, maybe he wasn't soft, but he was _warm_. And comfortable, in more than one way. She'd worried if she hadn't gotten _too_ comfortable around him. She'd worried for a while now but kept ignoring the warning tickling in her head. Perhaps it was high time to put an end to this before it got out of hand. 

It was a new territory for Jasnah to navigate. She had never come even close to losing her head over anyone. Except for her family, all men she had ever met either kept a respectful distance or bent over backwards to impress her. Neither type inspired in her any warmer feelings, and the second one was even annoying. 

She wasn't disinterested in romance or marriage only because of questionable social conventions attached to either. On a purely personal level, she never understood why anyone would want to share nearly every aspect of their life with another human being. But now that she had started to open up to Kaladin, it turned out intoxicating. He was the one person who didn't try to use her or flatter her, with whom she could have a genuine and intelligent conversation, who wasn't afraid neither to disagree with her nor to admit it when he was wrong. He fought bravely, cared deeply, and loved truly. 

How ironic that she met her equal in someone whom their society would never accept as such. Would not accept to the extent that it could threaten everything she cared about. 

She would find her way out of this. She still kept her share of secrets, including the greatest one, and it proved she had retained some clarity of judgment. As long as she held on to it, she was reasonably safe. Still, it would be sensible to keep a little more… distance.

With her newly strengthened resolve, she tried standing up, only to immediately sit down back on the ground, groaning. She realized she must have hit her knee falling down. How did she not feel how it hurt before?

Kaladin looked concerned. "Storms, sorry about that."

Now that he'd noticed, it was too late for her to heal with Stormlight.

"Don't worry," she said quickly. "I couldn't expect to go through combat training without a few little wounds."

"Let me at least have a look at it."

As she nodded, Kaladin examined the bloody tear in her trousers.

"You'll live," he smiled. "Though I'm worried you may limp a little for the next few days." He fetched a little roll of bandages and a vial from his pocket.

"You carry around medical supplies?"

"Sure. Like you've said, take out weapons, and accidents will eventually happen."

She observed as he cleaned and secured her wound in smooth, confident movements. She shook her head. How many talents and skills could one person have? Better not to think about it too much.

When Kaladin was done, he helped Jasnah to her feet.

"Will you be able to walk?"

She stepped on the wounded leg and tried not to grimace. The knee hurt, but she was not going to walk back to her rooms, leaning on Kaladin's arm. She sucked in a little bit of Stormlight, careful not to let him see her glow, then took a few steps.

"I'm quite ok, thank you," she smiled a forced smile. "I… suppose we'll have to take a break for a few days?"

"Definitely. Until you feel well enough."

 _Until both my knee and my mind are well enough._ The prospect made Jasnah feel sad but also relieved. It wasn't about what she wanted, but about what she needed. And what she needed now was to regain control over her feelings before it was too late.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, RoW (also, life) took me a little longer than I expected. But hush, just in case. 
> 
> This chapter turned out longer than I imagined too, so I ended up splitting it. Those minor RoW Part 1 inspirations aren't in this half, in case you would be looking for them.
> 
> This is also another instance of some timeline reshuffling. Specifically, this event takes place relatively earlier than in canon, and we'll yet go back to some scenes that we've just skipped.
> 
> Ok, without further ado...

After Kaladin had positioned the guards around the arena, he took his post close to the group of the Kholins. If Adolin decided to get himself killed in this duel, Kaladin wouldn't be of much help. However, he could make sure the lighteyes angry with Dalinar's reforms wouldn't attempt anything foolish in the meantime.

He tried not to look towards Amaram, who had arrived at the Plains a few days earlier and had now joined Dalinar, showing off a yellow-gold cloak of the allegedly restored Knights Radiant. Instead, Kaladin searched for Jasnah. She'd still been recovering from her injury, and they had only briefly talked once when he identified the stormwarden accompanying Amaram as one of the witnesses to what he did to Kaladin and his squad. That was all they had, but given her craftiness, perhaps it would be enough.

He casually moved closer to her. "Did you talk to him?" he asked in a soft voice.

Jasnah shook her head slightly. "He's going to be a problem."

"How so?" Kaladin frowned. 

"I did my homework first. And, as I feared, he's not merely… personally loyal." She glanced to the side, making sure nobody tried to eavesdrop. "These two are both deeply involved in something I've been struggling to untie for a long while. I won't risk it ruining it just yet. We'll find another way. Be patient."

A few angerspren gathered around Kaladin's boots. Be _patient_? He should have predicted that. He _had_ predicted that. What did the lives of a few darkeyes matter in comparison to Jasnah's secrets and mysterious research? He felt a lump forming in his throat, and he closed his eyes, fighting the overwhelming feeling of disappointment. 

When he opened them, he was calm. Disillusioned.

"I thought you were different," he said dryly.

"Excuse me?" she frowned, turning her face towards him.

"Nevermind."

A part of Kaladin knew he was acting irrationally. That this could all be nothing but a misunderstanding and a slight delay. But another part of him couldn't ignore the explanation that was so much better aligned with his worldview forged by painful experiences. He should have known better than to trust a lighteyes to seek justice for him. Jasnah had her own goals that would always take priority, and weak excuses were all he could possibly count on. 

He was, as usual, on his own.

* * *

Jasnah stared in disbelief as Kaladin jumped to join the fight against four Shardbearers. 

But what he did afterward was even more baffling. And not in any glorious way.

She growled with exasperation. _Idiot!_ A reckless, impatient, proud idiot who had to take matters into his own hands only to make them worse. Her mind suddenly became as clear as it hadn't been in weeks. To accuse a highlord this way, publicly, with no proof? Obviously, she'd judged the man's character, and wits, wrong.

She took a deep breath and gritted her teeth. She nearly wanted to leave Kaladin in his cell to let him learn a lesson. Nearly. _Everyone thinks you're so smart, and yet you do foolish things all the time._

There was only one person in this situation who truly deserved prison, or worse. So once a few hours had passed, and her anger had cooled down, she went to talk to Elhokar.

"Sister," he greeted her wearily, a cup of wine in his hand. "Are you also going to yell at me, telling me what I should do or not do as a king?"

Jasnah sighed. It was painful to see her brother this… lost. And yet, since she wouldn't offer him comforting lies, there was only so much she could say to reassure him. "You know well that it's never my intention to undermine you."

"Maybe not." He grimaced. "It's enough for you to stand next to me, and anyone can instantly see who'd make a better monarch. How disturbing to think what would happen if you actually _tried_."

Jasnah crossed her arms. "I suggest you think less about what kind of queen I could make and more about what kind of king _you_ could make. And I say it's a better one than _this_."

"In which matter? I've lost count of those." He casually took a sip of the wine, trying to appear relaxed, but Jasnah could tell he was anything but.

She sat beside him and attempted a reassuring tone. "For starters, consider how it looks, putting in prison a man who just saved your cousins' life. And not for the first time either."

Elhokar rolled his eyes. "First Dalinar, then Adolin and his folly. I thought you were the last reasonable one."

 _What did those two do?_ "If everyone around you tells you the same thing, maybe it's because you simply _don't listen_."

"He should have been executed!" Elhokar snapped. "I've put him in prison instead. I've shown mercy."

"You've only shown temper and that it's not worth serving you or your family."

"Throwing baseless accusations on a storming _highlord_ , Jasnah, that's..."

"Not baseless."

"What are you talking about?"

Jasnah paused. "I'm only telling you if I had to choose between trusting captain Kaladin with my life or Amaram with my little finger, I wouldn't hesitate for a minute." She was still mad at Kaladin, but that was a low enough bar to beat.

"I know you have some grudge against the man," Elhokar said. "But murder?"

"I certainly wouldn't put it past him."

That seemed a bit of a shock to Elhokar, but he recovered after a moment of thought. "Regardless, I can't tolerate a darkeyes publicly insulting a lighteyes. Especially one so many dahns above him."

"He just defeated a Shardbearer," Jasnah said. "Or two, I've lost count of those."

"You're clearly implying something, so kindly enlighten me."

She leaned in closer. "If Adolin and Uncle are half as honorable as I believe they are, captain Kaladin may not be darkeyes for much longer."

Elhokar started. "You're joking. The Shards will be given to..."

"To someone who has all the skill, position, _and_ inclination to make good use of them protecting you and those closest to you? Just _think_ for once."

And he did, frowning. "I can't just let him out," he said eventually, but his voice was uncertain. "How would that make me look like?"

"Let him stay in the cell to reflect for the rest of the day. That may even be for the best. In the meantime, throw a feast to celebrate the grand victory. By the evening, everyone will forget about this little misunderstanding."

"For the rest of the day _and_ night." Elhokar raised his hand, stopping her from responding. "No, that's it. He has to learn a lesson."

Jasnah didn't expect anything more than that. But she let Elhokar think she had backed down.

"As you say, brother."

He sighed and shook his head, taking another sip of wine, and said: "How do you always get what you want?"

* * *

Kaladin found himself drifting away, consumed by misery and the sense of betrayal. Alone in his cell, locked away from the sky. Again.

A foolish part of his brain thought that they wouldn't let him rot here indefinitely. That, if there was a hint of friendship between him and Jasnah, she'd at least check on him. A more disillusioned part kept whispering that this was all only to be expected. They got what they needed from him and now could forget about him, Jasnah, Adolin, all of them. And he deserved that, playing one of the Ten Fools.

A spark of hope lightened up his thoughts as he heard the rumor moving across the corridor. Was she coming for him, after all? He glanced out of his cell.

He saw Adolin, directing a group of servants carrying furniture and personal belongings, setting them in a cell next to him. When all was prepared, Adolin stepped in himself and let the door be locked behind him.

_What on Roshar?_

They sat in silence until Kaladin finally asked: "And which important lighteyes have _you_ annoyed today?"

"Many, I hope. Otherwise, it wouldn't be worth the bother."

Kaladin grunted. It was all a game to him, wasn't it? And yet, there was something reassuring about it. About not being alone.

"Do you play cards?" Adolin asked.

"Not really."

"Only when drunk? I believe I have a bottle of blue hidden somewhere here. You sound like you could use some."

Kaladin only sighed.

"You're going to be the dullest cellmate I've ever had, aren't you?" Adolin asked.

"You knew what you signed up for."

"Fair point."

They paused as they heard another group of people approaching.

"Adolin?" Kaladin heard Jasnah's voice. "And what are _you_ doing here?"

"The bridgeboy fought well. I thought I'd keep him company." 

"That's adorable. But it's handled now. You can stop this folly." 

She walked closer to Kaladin's cell so that he could see her too. "I've talked to my brother. He'll release you in the morning."

Kaladin started. This must have been some trick, but he couldn't think of any way it would be so.

"The way our dear Elhokar changes his mind today," Adolin said, "I think I'll stay a bit longer, just to be sure."

Jasnah eyed him coolly.

"All right," he grunted. "I suppose I can always return if it comes to that."

He called for a guard, who opened the cell, confusion and relief mixed equally in his expression. Evidently, he didn't want to have the prince here any minute longer than absolutely necessary.

"I'll send someone for the things later," Adolin said. "Nice chat, bridgeboy. We should do it again."

"Including the circumstances? Sounds delightful," Kaladin grunted and got a faint chuckle in response.

As Adolin was walking away, Jasnah called for the guard.

"Let me inside the cell."

"But, Brightness…"

"Is every storming man going to argue with me today?" she snapped.

Kaladin felt sorry for the man. And a little glad that _he_ wasn't the one she was furious with.

The guardsman instantly shut his mouth, and he did as Jasnah had instructed.

"Leave it open. I won't stay long," she said and stepped into the cell. 

Then Kaladin saw her face more clearly and realized that she was, after all, furious with him the most.


	10. Chapter 10

Jasnah wasn't one to shout and rage uncontrollably. But she could frown and purse her lips in a subtle, cold expression that would make anyone shiver down to their core. Kaladin sighed and leaned his head against the wall. This was going to be just wonderful.

"Are you going to tell me what were you thinking?" she asked, her voice dangerously calm.

"You mean throwing myself into a fight with…"

"No, the other thing."

He returned her gaze. "What was I thinking? Perhaps that there was _some_ justice in the world? That when your brother says: 'ask me for anything,' he means it? Not sure. Something equally stupid."

"We had a plan," she hissed. "All I asked of you was a little storming _patience_!"

"And if that didn't work out again? How long would I wait for another such occasion once you'd stall, offering nothing but another convenient explanation?"

Jasnah's eyes narrowed, but she calmed down a little, looking now as annoyed as thoughtful. "In short, you don't fully trust me," she said finally. "That, at least, I can understand and respect."

Kaladin blinked. Questioning Jasnah's intentions was what made her _less_ angry with him?

She walked in closer and critically eyed the floor of the cell. It must have passed the assessment as she sat down, leaning against the wall next to Kaladin.

"I didn't have the time to explain it properly during the duel, so let me fix that now," she said. "The man you've identified, as well as cremlord Amaram himself, are members of a secret organization called the Sons of Honor. I became most interested in them since my father was a prominent member, which I'm positive is connected to both his death and how he changed in the last years of his life. And, after ages of chasing the wind, let me tell you, those people won't respond to common tricks or threats. Besides..." She hesitated.

"Besides," Kaladin continued, "he may yet be an asset in that pursuit of yours, one you don't want to burn prematurely. You've made your priorities clear."

"It _is_ a priority," Jasnah stressed. "I've never managed to get to the core of their organization's secrets - the leader, in particular, has proven utterly unreachable - but I know they are involved in most dangerous and disturbing endeavors, threatening perhaps all of Roshar. So, yes, it is our personal grudges against, potentially, the fate of the world. Excuse me if I find the second one slightly more significant."

With sudden and uncanny clarity, Kaladin remembered that day when he got his first brand. _It took hours to decide... Thousands of people may be saved... Restares is right... Restares..._

"I believe you," he whispered. The remnants of his own anger faded away, giving way to both acceptance and overwhelming fatigue. "And Amaram? Why did you ever want to expose him? Is he not an asset too?"

"He has long since outlived his usefulness. And perhaps I haven't made it clear enough that I'm not solely motivated by your story or a greater cause, but have my own unfinished business with him."

"You never told me about that."

"I didn't." They sat in silence for a while before Jasnah spoke again. "My father wanted me to marry him."

Kaladin grimaced. The revelation was disturbing, even if it didn't yet explain much.

"I refused," she continued. "Multiple times, in fact. I don't think anyone has ever humiliated him so much before. I'm not sure if he finally decided to pay me back or merely got impatient."

Kaladin started. She couldn't possibly imply that...

"Although I was a weak, defenseless girl back then, I got lucky," she continued dispassionately. "Nevertheless, it took me some time to get over the shock. But the worst happened when I told my father about it."

"He didn't believe you?" Kaladin asked quietly.

"That his dear, so perfectly honorable friend would attempt something like that? Please."

"Did you tell anyone else?"

"I could have told my mother. But then, if she would stand up for me, who knows what father would do to her?" Jasnah sighed. "Don't get me wrong. I loved my father. But he had changed in those last years before his death. I still miss him; I only accepted I lost him long before he was even murdered."

Kaladin was in shock, both because of what he'd heard and because Jasnah had decided to trust him with it. Though he felt that he should do or say something, he didn't know the right words. He could only listen and be there for her, and as she didn't appear to need reassurance or consolation, that was perhaps the only thing to do.

"Thank you for trusting me," he said. "And... I promise I won't try to deprive you of your vengeance again."

"I don't want vengeance," she objected.

Kaladin started. "And what do you want?"

"Justice," she whispered. "Truth. I want him stripped of everything he holds dear. I want him exposed to the world for what he is, and every man and woman who now considers him a hero to curse his name. I want the organization whom he serves taken down and erased from history, never achieving anything of note. I want him thrown into the deepest cell I can find where he will live the longest of lives, never forgetting what he'd had and what he'd lost and that we had taken it from him."

Kaladin shivered. "I will make sure to never make you my enemy."

"Kindly, don't," she said calmly. "I rather like you."

"Even when I behave as foolishly as today?"

She pursed her lips. "I suppose we all sometimes do. Only when it's me people don't notice so often. I do, however, care to never act foolishly in the same way twice." She looked at him intently.

"Why do I feel like you mean more than you're saying?"

"Why indeed? Tell me, Kaladin, when you had the chance, why did you _truly_ refuse the Shards?"

He turned his eyes away. "I've told you. They felt… wrong."

"They felt wrong," Jasnah repeated dryly. "And what did your reason tell you? Did you think for a moment how much you could achieve having accepted them?"

"I could certainly kill more people," Kaladin said bitterly.

Jasnah sighed with exasperation. 

"You could challenge people like Amaram at any time. Your family and friends would be protected by the mere mention of your name. And, most importantly, you would have the power and means to prevent other people from suffering what you had to."

Kaladin shook his head. "Maybe I could make life better for a few people, or a few dozen, only to meanwhile watch thousands more suffer and die. No, Jasnah, this one lesson I learned long ago. Our whole social system is broken, making thousands of people suffer injustice and worse. No one person is going to change that, not even you, and certainly not me."

"Precisely," she said excitedly. "It is not something one can achieve with a single decree - it would require a cultural shift. The scholars can't agree if one is more likely to happen when inspired from the inside or by a disruptive, refreshing outside influence. I say - why not both? Who could argue to your face that the slaves deserve their fate? Or that the darkeyes are inherently and naturally inferior to the lighteyes? You could be an advocate and a living symbol in one, influencing people's minds one at a time until it eventually helps to tip the scales."

He stared at her in disbelief. "Are you, one of the most privileged women of Alethkar, looking to start a revolution?"

"Nothing so dramatic," she snorted. "I want Alethkar - Roshar if I can have it - governed with rules dictated by truth and reason instead of ludicrous traditions and biases. It may cost me, but if that's what's best for most people, I enjoy enough privilege not to egoistically cling to every single scrap of it."

Kaladin wasn't sure if the idea was more terrifying, delusional, or simply overwhelming. All he wanted was to keep his men safe. Taking the fate of thousands upon his shoulders could only break him. 

And yet... how many of his men would live if he had taken the Shards? Shame and guilt made his stomach twist.

"It doesn't matter anyway," he said finally. "What's done is done."

"It is." Jasnah smiled. "But you rose from a slave to Cobalt Guard's captain in a day. I wouldn't put earning another Blade past you. Especially after today." She stood up, then lightly touched his cheek, sending a shiver down his spine. "I should go now and make sure Elhokar keeps his word. I'll leave you to think about it."

Kaladin nodded, not trusting his voice. Was it possible he would face that same choice again? Could he possibly view it as a _chance_? 

No. But to let the history repeat itself...

"I don't like it," Syl said once Jasnah had left. "Even if Adolin offers you the Shards, you shouldn't take them."

Kaladin shook his head slowly. "Jasnah's right. I may hate everything the lighteyes represent, but I've been childish, letting that influence my decisions."

"No, Kaladin, _I don't_ think the _lighteyes_ are inherently evil," she said anxiously. "It's the Shards that give me shivers."

"Don't worry, Syl. Dalinar is furious and thinks I'm an untrustworthy child. This was purely theoretical speculation."

"Still, I'm worried," she admitted in a sad voice. "Those things are _wrong_. You felt it too."

"And where has that kind of thinking, the vague idea of right and wrong, led me?" Kaladin asked, getting impatient. "How many people are dead because of it?"

"It made you who you are now," Syl whispered.

"A prisoner?"

"A Radiant."

Kaladin started. "And would you not bond me if I took those Shards?"

Syl opened her mouth but fell silent.

"I'm lost, Syl," Kaladin whispered. "I don't know what to do."

"I trust you, Kaladin," she said quietly. "When the time comes, I believe you will."


	11. Chapter 11

Elhokar kept his word and had Kaladin released the next day, even if his definition of "morning" wouldn't hold up under scrutiny. Kaladin breathed in the fresh air, feasting his eyes on the clear open sky. Who knew what a few days more in that cell would have done to his brain.

"Bridgeboy!" a familiar voice called. Adolin waved and motioned to Kaladin to follow him. With reluctance, Kaladin did, feeling all the tension return to his body. Perhaps he was unnecessarily worried. Perhaps Jasnah was wrong, and Adolin would never even think of giving Kaladin the Shards, maybe even laugh at a mere suggestion to do such a thing. Maybe Kaladin wouldn't have to choose, and he wouldn't need to feel guilty one way or another afterward. Maybe...

His hopes wilted as he saw Adolin's armorers carrying a set of items draped in sheets. It was clear what they covered even before the men unwrapped the cloth, revealing a shiny set of Shards. Adolin was saying something about how those belonged to Kaladin now. 

He'd had little sleep that night, considering all the arguments a hundred times. And yet, he still wasn't sure if he wanted these. Or rather, he wasn't sure if he didn't _need_ these.

Syl was uncharacteristically quiet during these last few hours. Kaladin tried to discuss the matter further with her, but she insisted on leaving the decision up to him. It would have been easier if she could simply tell him why he shouldn't do it. He had plenty of arguments for and wouldn't need as many to be persuaded against. But he couldn't just act on a whim either, not anymore.

Besides, if he accepted the Shards, he could always change his mind, couldn't he? Refusing these was a one-way door. But if he took them and then eventually decided he didn't want them, he could always pass them on to somebody else. Who knows, perhaps his eye color would change by then and stay light even after he had gotten rid of the Blade. Kaladin blinked, realizing what he had just thought.

Everyone was getting impatient. Kaladin couldn't postpone this decision forever. He took a deep breath, taking the shimmering Blade into his hands, checking how it felt.

A scream filled his mind. It took every ounce of Kaladin's will not to instantly drop the thing, but he wasn't going to panic and run again. He forced himself to listen, taking in the sensation of terror and agony and letting every ounce of his body, mind, and soul feel the sheer _wrongness_.

It wasn't tangible or visible, yet it was at least as real as any reasonable argument or practical benefit he could be tempted with. It wasn't a fleeting feeling, it wasn't a whim, it was a fact, a substantial aspect of the universe itself.

This wasn't who he was. This wasn't who he wanted to be.

Where would he be if he took the Shards all those months ago?

Somewhere pleasant and comfortable, perhaps - unlike anyone else from Bridge Four. 

How many people could he save now, holding this Blade? 

None, if he lost himself and ended up being the one who needed saving first. And he would undoubtedly hurt one person - one dearest to him and least of all deserving such disloyalty.

To renounce these Shards wasn't to make the same mistake again. For one thing, no matter what dark thoughts haunted Kaladin in times of doubt, the Kholins weren't Amaram. But, even more importantly, now his reasons were different. A few months ago, Kaladin was a bitter, troubled kid shocked by the carnage that took those he swore to protect. Perhaps he already had some partial awareness that it wouldn't be right for him to take the Shards, but he could never begin to understand _why_. 

Today it was his proper decision. He knew what he was resigning from, and he accepted it. He already had something so much _better_. 

In the end, it was because of the Radiants that there even were any Shards to share. And something told Kaladin that back in the ancient days, these weren't just given. Perhaps he would eventually get some of his own, and even if it took years longer, he would get there on his own terms.

He _was_ worried about how Jasnah would react. But he couldn't help but think of another girl who, long ago, pushed him towards the same ambition. He never regretted the way it eventually turned out, and if Jasnah couldn't accept him for who he was, it would hurt, but he wouldn't look back either.

Kaladin took a big breath and smiled.He searched for Syl and nodded to her, feeling the warmth fill him as he saw her brighten up with pride and joy. 

There were many things Kaladin regretted in his life, but he knew this wouldn't become one of them. And in that precious second, for the first time in a long, long while, he was, even if for a moment, finally at peace with himself.

***

When Jasnah saw Adolin earlier that day, she didn't even need to ask any questions. The first thing she heard him saying in his amused tone was:

"Can you believe the bridgeboy didn't take the Shards?"

As a matter of fact, yes, she could. She expected to be angry but mostly felt resignation. If Kaladin was indeed a thickheaded, narrow-minded fool, so be it. If she was wrong to think too highly of him, she would accept the truth with dignity and move on. The sooner, the better.

Why did she even care so much? Partially, it _was_ about everything she had told Kaladin in the cell. And yet, if she was going to be completely honest with herself, there was more. Not any specific hope, merely a wish to keep their options open. To even just meet normally and talk once in a while without attracting unwanted attention. Perhaps the realization that she was alone in such reasoning was the most eye-opening aspect of this situation.

She turned her focus back to the book but found herself reading the same passage for the tenth time in a row. Stormfather, she needed to pull herself together, and soon.

A knock on the door interrupted her efforts. It was odd; a Highstorm was coming tonight - she could hear the distant rumbling already - and by now, most people should have been staying in their chosen rooms and shelters. Perhaps, though, it would be a welcome distraction.

"Come in," she said.

It was none other than Kaladin who entered the room. An _unwelcome_ distraction, then. Jasnah studied his face, looking for some hint of shame or remorse. She found less of those than ever.

"What are you doing here?" she said dryly. "The Highstorm is nearly here. Shouldn't you guard my uncle against those spies who write on his walls?"

"I'm supposed to check on you and see if you wouldn't join the others."

"I like it here. Anything else?"

"Yes." He closed the door. "You must have heard that I didn't take the Shards." There was no sign of apology in his voice either.

"I have."

"I imagine you must wonder why."

"On the contrary, I don't care much anymore," she lied, turning back to her work. "Now, if you'll excuse me..."

He walked over to her and gently closed the book she was pretending to read. Jasnah merely gaped at him, too shocked to protest.

"Still, _I_ care for you to understand," Kaladin said calmly but firmly. "Spare me a few minutes, and I'll leave you alone."

"Touch my book again, and you won't like the consequences," she said between her teeth. "As for the rest, you know my opinion. Don't expect me to change it."

"Why not? Don't you take pride in that you can listen to counter-arguments and take them into account despite any personal biases?"

She clenched her teeth. _That insolent...!_

"You've made your opinion clear," Kaladin continued, "in many, and frankly, truly persuasive words. But now I have a few of my own to say to you. Because, eventually, it was what you missed that made me decide."

He stopped, waiting for her reply.

"Very well," she said in an indifferent tone. "Say what you need to say."

Something was different about his eyes, some... confidence or clarity which made Jasnah both uncomfortable and intrigued.

"I nearly took them," he said. "I had the Blade in my hands, and its soul touched mine. I don't know why neither you nor any other Shardbearers can feel it. But something _is_ wrong with those things. I'm not sure what, but it _isn't_ only inside my head, this much I am sure of. And knowing that, I also knew I couldn't take it.

"It's not that I didn't consider every reason why I _should_. I did. But you know what? You asked me how much I could have achieved having taken those Shards. Let me instead tell you what I _wouldn't_ have been able to do. I wouldn't use it at the Battle of the Tower because I would have _never been there_. Your uncle, cousins, and the soldiers following them would be dead now, as likely would be a thousand bridgemen who now are the Cobalt Guard."

"You can't use luck and coincidence as arguments," Jasnah managed to interrupt him. "Yes, this ultimately proved to be a better course of events than anyone could anticipate. But it wasn't something you could have predicted. Just as likely, you could have ended up dead in one of those bridge runs."

"Not exactly, Jasnah. It was a close call, but it wasn't entirely a coincidence. I couldn't have survived more than a few runs on luck only. But then, I took the most unfortunate bridge crew there was and made it stronger so that we ultimately survived dozens of those together, repeatedly."

"Still," Jasnah protested, finding her voice oddly coarse, "you can't do the stupid thing and hope to make the best of the outcome in the future. You should do the reasonable thing, and _then_ you can concentrate all your efforts on making an already decent situation even better."

"You want me to do the reasonable thing? Any uncertainty and unpredictable chains of events aside: we shouldn't have come back to the Tower. That _was_ a simple calculation enough, to run and be free right away or to risk nearly certain death and then, perhaps, be freed - whoever was left standing, at least. Reasonably, we had next to no chance to succeed. And yet, that was what turned out to not only be the right thing to do, but also one with the best outcome, just as you like it."

That was something that _had_ troubled Jasnah before. But it was a one-time situation, another stroke of luck... Wasn't it? She shivered.

"What I'm telling you," Kaladin continued, "is that _I_ don't choose the reasonable thing. I choose the _impossible_ one, and I make it _possible_. I'm not going to walk around and convince people that this is what every one of them should do. But this is who _I_ am, Jasnah. You may not like it, but you cannot change it."

Jasnah only gaped at Kaladin as if she saw him for the first time in her life.

The confidence he exuded finally made her fully understand why senior lighteyes officers would follow his orders without thinking. Why anyone who stayed close to him for too long was ready to follow him to Damnation and back without asking questions.

 _How much you could achieve if you only..._ But no, that really wasn't the right way, was it? It did sometimes feel like the usual rules didn't apply to this man. Jasnah wasn't yet sure which did, but it would be _most_ interesting to find out.

She looked into his eyes, wondering what to say.

"There is something else I haven't told you," he added. "Something that, perhaps, will make it all have some sense."

"Yes?"

He hesitated. "It all started when..."

The storm outside roared, drowning out his words. The next moment, Kaladin staggered, leaning against Jasnah's desk.

"Kaladin?" she asked, worried. "Kaladin!"

She managed to catch him before he hit his head, and she eased him to the floor, helping herself with Stormlight. Kaladin's lips were moving lightly but making no sound. Jasnah felt a chill. Storms alight, what was happening?

Before she made up her mind and run for help, Kaladin gasped lightly and opened his eyes. Jasnah sighed with relief.

"Are you all right?" she asked. "What was..."

"The Assassin," he gasped and stumbled to his feet. "I have to go."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I made you wait longer than usual - the holiday break affected my schedule more than I expected, and this chapter also turned out a bit longer and varied than usual. But I hope at least you will like it!

Kaladin stumbled to his feet and rushed to the door.

"Wait!" Jasnah protested, going after him. "First, tell me what's wrong!"

"There is no time," he replied without stopping. "Something is going to happen - something bad. I can't explain it better at the moment."

Jasnah followed him along the palace's corridors.

"You just lost consciousness during a Highstorm, and now you're behaving like a madman. I can put two and two together. And _you_ can tell me if you've had a vision. You wouldn't exactly be the first to the experience."

He glanced at her.

"I'm afraid that there isn't much to tell," Kaladin admitted. "I got a warning from the Stormfather. That _he comes_." He paused. "Maybe you'd be safer staying in your rooms. I'll send someone..."

"Forget it," Jasnah interrupted. Wisely, Kaladin didn't argue.

Soon, they reached the rooms where her family was spending the Highstorm. 

"There you are," Adolin greeted them. "Ah, cousin, how lovely you've decided to honor us with your company."

"Where is the king?" Kaladin growled, earning a long look. Meanwhile, Jasnah was already at the door to the smaller room where her mother and uncle stayed.

"Is uncle still lost in a vision?" she asked.

"Yes, dear. What's happening?"

"I'm not entirely sure, but we need to get ready."

Navani gave her a confused look. Jasnah wasn't typically one to act on inexplicable premonitions, but one would think the last months had made them all reconsider such matters.

Fortunately, at that moment, Dalinar regained his consciousness. 

"Get ready for what?"

***

It didn't take long to persuade Dalinar to order evacuation - if anything, he appeared more certain about it than Jasnah was, even though he didn't receive half as much of an explanation. She wasn't sure which confused and worried her more: this or the fact that nobody questioned Dalinar giving orders to the king.

Nevertheless, here they were, moving quickly towards the back exit from the palace, the hallways empty as everyone else stayed sheltered for the Highstorm. The unnatural silence gave Jasnah a chill.

It turned into a cold shiver as they reached a section of the palace all plunged in darkness. Something - or someone - had sucked out the Stormlight from all the lamps in the area. That meant two unfavorable conditions. 

First, that Jasnah would be next to defenseless. She carried a few spheres of her own, as usual, but not nearly enough to face a significant threat. She still had Ivory, but all her fighting training would be laughably inadequate if they truly were up against the enemy who left the most competent swordmasters helpless like children.

Secondly, it was a confirmation that their enemy _was_ a Surgebinder. And she knew only of one other than herself.

As a white-clothed figure stepped out of the darkness, Jasnah hissed, recognizing not only the attributes the whole Alethkar had known of but the face of the man himself. 

How many years had it been? It felt like a lifetimesince she had watched her father die at the hands of this man. Or, sometimes, like a day.

"Protect the king!" Dalinar yelled while he, Adolin, and Kaladin were already running towards the enemy.

Before she could react, Jasnah found herself squeezed inside a ring of soldiers surrounding her, Elhokar, and their mother, pushing them away from the fight. She heard her brother muttering under his breath, terrified.

She squeezed his arm. _Pull yourself together, brother_. _You're not the one in the gravest danger... At least, not right now._

The legendary Blackthorn, the best duelist in Alethkar, and Kaladin "I do the impossible thing" Stormblessed, all three at once - the Assassin couldn't do a lot worse picking out the enemies. And yet... How many excellent officers, Shardbearers included, had this man killed before? There were forces in this world that couldn't be matched with a sword or a spear.

Forces to which _she_ had access.

They made it back to the well-lit corridors close to their inner quarters. The sounds of the fight were all but gone by now. Jasnah didn't know how much time she had left, but she was running out of it.

"I'm going back to my quarters," she said. "They're right around the corner."

Navani looked at her as if she'd lost her mind.

"And how do you suggest we split the guards?"

"No number of soldiers will protect us against the Assassin in White, mother. I need no guards. One at my door will only be a clear indication that there is someone to guard inside."

"Don't be silly. We're not letting you put yourself in such danger!"

If only any of them knew where she was really planning to go...

"The Assassin murders the rulers and those who stand in his way," Jasnah said, "not all their families. Anywhere will be safer for me than close to Elhokar." 

Elhokar uttered a rather undignified squeak in the protest.

"And you," she told him firmly, "will only be safer if the soldiers can fully focus on defending you, without me getting in their way."

He pondered at that and relaxed a little. "My sister will do as she pleases. Let us keep moving," he ordered.

Navani looked terrified but didn't get the opportunity to argue further. Jasnah felt the troubled looks on her back as she rushed to her room.

Once inside, she quickly got to the hidden drawer in her desk and grabbed her emergency supply of infused gemstones along with the fake Soulcaster. Although Jasnah had caused quite a commotion keeping the thing, she couldn't have been more satisfied that she had followed through with the plan. Revealing her true capabilities in front of the enemy was out of the question.

Soulcasting was a complex skill, one she was far from mastering fully and still barely ever used aside from practice, as the mistakes tended to be... messy. However, if she would accidentally turn the Assassin into a crystal statue instead of a cloud of dust, it was a risk worth taking.

Having prepared her defenses, she glanced out, checking the corridor. As she wished, no one had stayed to protect her or stop her from getting into danger. As fast as she could, she ran back towards the fight, 

As she was nearing her destination, Jasnah felt relief at hearing the fight still continued. Nothing was lost yet. She realized with pride that she was only slightly short of breath after the run, meaning all her sword training hadn't gone to waste. The history wouldn't repeat itself. Jasnah couldn't do anything but watch helplessly as her father was dying, but she wasn't that defenseless girl anymore.

She burst into the dark hallway, and in the faint glow emitted by the white-clad figure, she saw Dalinar and Kaladin still standing on their feet, fighting. She couldn't spot Adolin near them, but she would have to worry about that later.

She got as close as she dared. Being able to touch the Soulcasted object worked best - and raised fewer questions - but this distance would have to suffice. The Assassin must have noticed her by now, but he focused on the actual warriors, not a random insignificant woman. Excellent.

She raised her hand and let the bolt of Stormlight hit the Assassin as her mind entered another realm. 

She found him there, but his presence was... different.

 _No time for investigating that now_ , she rebuked herself.

She decided on blood. Not the most elegant solution, but it was closest to flesh and easiest...

Except, no matter how hard she tried to impose her will on him, nothing happened. She froze.

Even if living creatures - let alone sentient ones - were considerably more challenging to Soulcast than objects, the fact that this one resisted her so completely was most disconcerting.

And, by now, the Assassin had _definitely_ noticed her. With his fingers, he brushed the place where the light touched his skin, then looked at Jasnah, eyes widened in surprise and... fear?

"I just remembered something new," Ivory said suddenly, but Jasnah could only stare as the Shin leaped into the air over Dalinar and Kaladin and charged towards her.

"I believe you can't Soulcast someone holding Stormlight."

_Thank you for your most timely warning._

Before Jasnah could say that aloud, the Assassin reached her and grabbed her by the wrist... only to turn her hand to look at the Soulcaster.

"This thing... This is how you do it?" His eyes narrowed, and there was no hint of fear left in them, only sadness. He raised his Shardblade.

 _Clothes!_ Jasnah thought. _Even if I can't Soulcast him, I can turn his clothes to fire!_

The thought occurred to her too late, though. A few seconds that she needed to persuade the things was a few seconds more than she had.

So this was how she would die? Now, before anything she'd been preparing for even started? How ironic.

But the Blade never fell. At the last moment, a familiar figure pushed the Assassin, and they both flew across the hallway straight into the Shardblade-cut breach in the wall... 

Then down all the way to the hard stone ground.

"KALADIN!"

Jasnah's throat closed up, and she ran over to the hole to look down into the darkness. 

Nobody could survive a fall from this high—nobody except maybe the Assassin. And even if, somehow, Kaladin had survived too, it wouldn't be any easier for him to defeat the Shin alone than it was for all three of them. Making matters even worse, the Assassin could heal and restore his strength using Stormlight, making the time work for his advantage. 

Kaladin had no chance.

"Jasnah?" Dalinar called from behind, his voice hoarse. She ignored him, staring into the void and listening, her heart pounding. She heard a man yell, too far away to make out the exact words, but the voice... 

The voice certainly wasn't Kaladin's.

If she jumped, would the Stormlight save her? Even if she didn't die, she would undoubtedly break her legs. Healing such an injury would take minutes. Jasnah wouldn't be able to chase the Assassin... but if she was fast and he was still there, maybe she wouldn't have to.

She took a step.

"JASNAH!"

She finally turned to face Dalinar.

"What on Roshar are you _doing_?" he asked.

_Something._

She paused, though, and she realized that she didn't hear anything anymore. No further cries, no sounds of a fight, no metal clashing against metal. 

It was done.

The only shred of luck she could count on was that they would _both_ be dead. In that case, she could take her time and walk down normally to find out. If they weren't, it still made more sense to wait for the Assassin to return and then deal with him again, with the support of experienced Shardbearers, rather than risk the fall.

She took a step away from the rim, shaking.

"Are you all right, uncle?" she managed to utter.

"I will be all right," he gasped. "What on Roshar are you doing here? Where is Navani? And Elhokar?"

"Reasonably safe in their quarters, I presume. You should probably join them."

They both moved to check on Adolin. He was dozing off, but he would live. Jasnah should feel relief knowing all her family survived the attack, again any odds. And yet...

"You two should stay here and rest," she said. "I'll call the surgeons and some soldiers to help you back to your quarters."

Dalinar nodded as he eased himself to the floor with a sigh of relief. 

"We _will_ talk later about whatever... you were planning to do here," he said.

Jasnah ignored him once more and ran down the corridor. She alerted the soldiers and servants she encountered on the way, but she didn't stop there.

She had to go and check for herself. She could face the worst truth, but not uncertainty.

All of Jasnah's clever ideas and plans designed to bend the reality to her will turned to nothing on the first collision with said reality. Perhaps if she hadn't wasted so much time trying to protect her secrets and stayed there to fight from the start, everything would have turned out differently.

It all seemed so irrelevant now - the duel, the Shards, her anger at Kaladin. But she couldn't tell him that anymore and that was the last piece of it that still mattered.

As she left the palace, Jasnah finally let the tears fill her eyes. She blinked them away once, then again. As her vision got blurred, she almost missed the dark figure stumbling in the opposite direction until she bumped into him.

"Jasnah? What... What are you doing here? Are you all right?"

She froze as if she had seen a ghost. "Kaladin?" she whispered, and the next thing she knew, she held him tight. He froze, stunned, then returned the embrace, a slight hesitation quickly melting away.

"What am I doing here?" she managed. "I'm checking if I can find two bodies or just one. That's what I'm doing." If she sounded slightly hysterical, half-crying, half-chuckling, at that particular moment, she couldn't care less. 

Stormfather, he was alive! But that also meant...

"What about the Assassin?" she asked, pulling away from him. If Kaladin not only survived the fall but wasn't even severely wounded, the only explanation could be that the Shin used his powers to slow down the fall for both of them. On the other hand, if he also had survived, why would he let Kaladin walk away?

"He fled," Kaladin admitted uneasily.

Jasnah frowned. "Fled? Why would he do that? And what on Roshar had happened to your arm?" The sleeve was nearly entirely torn away as if bitten off by a wild animal, but there was no hint of any more severe damage.

Kaladin hesitated. "Truth be told, I'm not sure what he was thinking. He's not in his right mind, that's for certain. That said, there is something about it that we need to discuss. But... it'll be a longer conversation."

Although Jasnah could barely restrain her curiosity, she took the effort to hold her questions.Kaladin seemed so exhausted he could pass out at any moment, and refusing to wait a mere few hours would be downright cruel.

"If you're confident he's not coming back for any of us tonight, we can leave that for tomorrow," she said, leading them back towards the palace. "Now, you do need a rest. We'll find you some room in the palace for tonight. There's no way you're walking back to the barracks in this state. I'll let the others know you're alive and safe."

"Thank you," he said softly.

*******

As Jasnah had arranged everything and shared the news, it was rather late. However, she knew she wouldn't be able to fall asleep anytime soon. Too many questions were filling her head. Too much of this whole situation simply didn't _fit_.

Why would the Assassin escape without fulfilling his mission? Why would he spare Kaladin? And why was he so shaken at seeing her Soulcasting? Perhaps, like Kaladin had said, he was simply insane. However, that sounded like a too convenient explanation. And such variety of insane didn't quite fit the way the man was so methodical and precise in his killings.

Jasnah had walked over to where the fight occurred. Elhokar had already ordered the wall repaired, paranoid that the Assassin could use it to return and sneak back into the palace. He seemed to ignore that if he wanted, the man could easily cut himself a new one. Nevertheless, the workers were swarming the area, and soon not a trace would be left after the recent events.

"Have you found anything interesting or unusual?" she asked their supervisor. He shook his head slowly.

"Only some scraps and rubble, Brightness. Nothing that would give away anything about the Assassin, I'm afraid."

"Have you already disposed of them?"

"No time. We've been focusing on fixing the wall. But as soon as..."

"Don't touch anything before I'm done with it."

"Y... yes, of course. Brightness."

Jasnah lit her way with a sphere and examined the area. She didn't know what she was looking for, but that was a rather usual way in any research. One had to test and check a thousand useless details to find that single hidden gemstone that made all the difference.

Like the man had warned her, there wasn't much to be found. It seemed like a little piece of white cloth cut with a Shardblade was all that was left of the Assassin. She took it anyway, hoping to have someone examine it more thoroughly. The chances were minimal, but perhaps something about the fabric would expose where the Assassin was hiding.

She was just going to walk away as she saw something else on the ground. She took it into her hand and froze.

It was a remnant of a Kholin blue sleeve. She immediately recognized who it had belonged to.

It wasn't torn, though. 

It was cut clean with a Shardblade.

There was no chance anyone would escape such a cut with a functional arm. 

Except...

Suddenly, it all clicked in her head.

I'm such an idiot, Jasnah thought, barely resisting the urge to slap herself on the forehead. She gaped at her finding as she recalled all the little clues she should have put together long ago.

The way Kaladin sometimes moved almost unnaturally fast. The way he could behave just a little oddly, looking intently in a direction where there was nothing to look at. All those stories they told about him in the camps.

The way he...

She rushed away and didn't stop until she reached Renarin's door and knocked. He opened, somewhat sleepy but still awake.

"When you hold your Blade, do you hear anything?" Jasnah asked.

Renarin cocked his head. "I have never heard of such a thing," he answered cautiously.

"Let me hold it, please. Only for a moment. It's for science."

He blinked but summoned the Blade and handed it to her without further questions.

As she took it in her hands, a scream filled Jasnah's mind.


	13. Chapter 13

As he woke, Kaladin found himself feeling much better. A generous amount of Stormlight and a good night's sleep in an almost overly comfortable bed made the previous evening seem like a bad dream.

It wasn't so, however. An enemy Surgebinder _had_ defeated them and could already be planning another attempt at Dalinar's life. As soon as it would be possible, Kaladin had to master his abilities, come up with the best tactics for defense against them - the fact that the Assassin shared his surges made at least _that_ slightly more manageable - and incorporate them into the Cobalt Guard's training.

Finally, Kaladin had some explanations to give, which he couldn't postpone any longer. He groaned, lifting himself up from the bed. This was going to be a long day.

He barely managed to clean himself up and dress in a fresh uniform someone had left for him in the room when he heard a knock on the door. As he opened it, standing outside was a messenger girl. She took her time, sizing Kaladin up with an inquisitive stare.

"Yes?" he asked in an impatient tone.

She cleared her throat. "Captain Stormblessed, Brightness Jasnah requests your presence in her study," she said, hesitating at the word "requests" as if not sure if she had heard it correctly. Kaladin nodded curtly in acknowledgment. However, the girl didn't look like she was going anywhere.

"They say that yesterday you saved the king and defeated the Assassin in White himself," she said, still staring at Kaladin in a way that was making him feel more and more uncomfortable.

"Obviously, people should gossip less," he grunted. "Do you have any other message?"

"Oh. No, sorry." She blushed. "That's all. My name is Lanah, by the way." She saluted quickly and left.

Kaladin shook his head as he heard Syl snickering on his shoulder.

"You're becoming famous! I wonder when Jasnah will start to get jealous."

"I doubt I can overshadow her anytime soon. Or that she would spare it a thought either way."

"Not this kind of jealous, silly."

Kaladin let out an exasperated sigh.

He left the room and walked towards Jasnah's quarters. As he could have expected, she didn't waste any time. But he had already been as prepared for the conversation as he would ever be. 

In the end, Jasnah wouldn't share the superstitious hate of the Radiants that the Vorin church and the common folk held, as she couldn't have been further from either of the two. She was good at keeping secrets, too, and never shared a word more than absolutely necessary, even with her closest family.

Most importantly, though, and unexpected as it was, Kaladin realized he simply trusted her - despite their recent misunderstandings, or rather, partially thanks to them. They had learned more about each other than they were initially comfortable with, and it didn't break them. Even when he'd been a fool or defied what Jasnah sincerely believed in, she was there for him. He had to finally face the fact that the betrayal he had anticipated wasn't coming.

However, once he reached Jasnah's quarters, he hesitated. The previous night could have complicated everything. Kaladin held the same powers that killed Jasnah's father and still threatened her and those she loved. Hopefully, they had built enough trust between each other that she wouldn't suspect him of being in any way related to the assassination attempts at her family. Perhaps, though, it would be wiser to wait a little longer with revealing himself, just until the situation would be resolved...

The door opened, surprising him with his hand raised to knock.

"There you are," Jasnah said, "Come in."

If the last night had taken a toll on her, it didn't show except for faintly dark circles under her eyes. Calm and in control, in her richly colored havah and flawlessly done hair, Jasnah was in every way the picture of a perfect lighteyed lady that Kaladin should despise. 

But the time he had spent with the court had taught him to see more nuance. Jasnah was nothing like many other ladies, who tried too hard to catch up with the latest fashion or set up the competition in who'd wear most ornaments. Her style pointedly highlighted how she was above all that, always impeccable but never overdone. And no matter how stunning she looked, it never overshadowed _her_ , only matched and emphasized the natural presence that would make her stand out even in beggar's rags.

"I don't suppose you've had the chance to have breakfast either, so I've had something prepared," she said and gestured towards the selection of dishes arranged on the wide table at a safe distance from the tidy stacks of books.

Kaladin felt the blood rush to his face. He must have been staring if he hadn't noticed the food even though he hasn't eaten since early the previous day.

"Looks delicious. Thank you."

They ate together in comfortable silence, exchanging only infrequent neutral remarks. Kaladin appreciated that Jasnah didn't push him to start talking. He couldn't stall indefinitely, though. Eventually, he had to tell her... Something.

"So," Jasnah began casually, "when did you first realize you were a Radiant?"

Kaladin almost choke on a piece of flatbread.

"I apologize. I couldn't resist," Jasnah said in an innocent voice, but a mischievous half-smile revealed she was anything but sorry. "Of course, you could hardly do yourself any harm choking, could you? In the end, given enough Stormlight, you could easily go on without air for hours."

Kaladin barely heard was she was saying.

"How... How have you figured it out?" he muttered finally.

"You're fortunate nobody else noticed that you got your arm cut off with a Shardblade. It would take a bit more than the Stormblessed's legendary luck to explain _that_."

Kaladin shook his head in disbelief.

"And more than luck to come up with the correct explanation."

Jasnah grimaced. "Oh, I should have figured it long ago. At the very, very least after the duel."

"Because _you're_ incredible," Kaladin said matter-of-factly, making her blink in surprise. "Well, I had a whole speech prepared to explain it, but I suppose it's not needed anymore."

"On the contrary!" Jasnah exclaimed, her eyes sparkling. She leaned in closer. "I need to know everything. Which order do you belong to? When did you first meet your spren? How..."

"Wait," Kaladin interrupted, frowning. "Aren't you first going to ask how that even happened? How one becomes a Radiant? And how do you know about the way Stormlight..."

Jasnah's cheeks flushed, making her look a little guilty, and Kaladin found himself stunned once more as the realization came to him.

"Almighty above," he whispered. "You don't need to ask because you already know. Firsthand."

She smiled apologetically, confirming his suspicions. Kaladin felt his head spin.

Jasnah... Jasnah was a Radiant.

He wasn't the only one, and of all people...

"I _was_ going to tell you about myself as soon as I would get all the interesting details out of you," she explained. "But now it looks like we'll need to ask all those burning questions in turns."

Kaladin nodded absent-mindedly. "Good. You were first to figure it out, though, so you get to ask first."

"Unquestionably," she grinned. Usually calm and collected, Jasnah would occasionally become exceptionally fascinated by something, showing a very different side of her. However, Kaladin had never before seen her quite _so_ enthusiastic.

"Let's start from the basics, then," Jasnah said. "Which order are you?" 

She moved to browse through some notes scattered on the table and kept talking without waiting for Kaladin's reply. "I've done a quick analysis, and while a Bondsmith would fit into how you influence people around you, your combat ability must be something else. Your medical background and that almost unnatural easiness of movement when you fight made me think of an Edgedancer, although, all things considered, I believe a Stoneward..."

"Windrunner." Kaladin smiled, seeing her surprise. "I'm a Windrunner."

Jasnah stared, lips parted. "You've bonded an Honorspren?"

"Does that sound unfitting?"

She laughed so hard the tears filled her eyes.

"Quite the opposite," she managed to utter. "Only Ivory has told me that, of all Radiant spren, the Honorspren would never, ever bond humans again." She let out another chuckle. "You really are impossible, aren't you? Now, you must tell me..."

"No, no, you're forgetting," Kaladin interrupted her, laughing too. Storms, it felt _good_ to laugh. "It's my turn. Who's Ivory? Is he your spren?"

"Yes. He's an Inkspren, which means he's attracted to logical and analytical thinking."

"I can't think of anyone fitting the description better," Kaladin said sincerely, and Jasnah's face lit up even more. "And that makes you...?"

"Now you're the one trying to cheat." She punched his arm jokingly with her freehand. "But I'll be generous. I'm an Elsecaller, which means I have access to Transformation and Transportation. You have Adhesion and Gravity, if I remember correctly. How do you use them?"

Kaladin considered the question. "It seems that you'll need to teach me the official terminology, but it sounds about right. Either way, my powers won't be a novelty to you. They're the same as the Assassin's - only I've had years less practice, and the flying still eludes me completely."

Jasnah's face darkened. "I'm glad to see them in good hands for a change." 

Kaladin relaxed somewhat at hearing that, which she noticed immediately.

"Wait, you didn't think I'd hold it against you, did you?" she asked incredulously.

"Back when I had no idea that you would know the difference between a Radiant and whatever the Assassin is... Honestly, I wasn't sure."

"I'm wondering if I should take it as an insult to my integrity, or my ability to think critically, or both," she replied dryly.

Kaladin winced. "You can blame it on my natural ability to expect the worst possible outcome. Especially when I care about it."

She looked him in the eyes. "You're not just trying to appease me, are you?" she said softly. "You actually mean it." He nodded, holding her gaze a few seconds longer than it was necessary.

Jasnah turned suddenly and cleared her throat. "You promised to tell me something about the way Assassin fled so unexpectedly."

Kaladin returned to the safe topic with relief. "There isn't much to tell, I'm afraid. After we fell, the Assassin saw me draw in Stormlight to heal myself. At first, he couldn't believe who I was, but when he realized the truth, the prospect of the Radiants returning completely shook him up."

Jasnah took notes. "Interesting. When he saw me trying to Soulcast, he was unhinged too, and only calmed down when he noticed the fake Soulcaster I used as a decoy. Could it be that he found some way to 'steal' the surges, and now he's afraid of the retribution awaiting him when their true heirs rise again? I can't fathom how such a feat would even be possible, but the fact is, he has found a way that bypasses the Nahel bond."

Kaladin raised his eyebrow. "Could be. That fake Soulcaster is a very clever idea, by the way. I don't suppose there's any fabrial that makes things stick together?"

Jasnah smiled sadly. "I'm afraid not. But I don't believe we'll remain in hiding for much longer anyway. Something is approaching - our spren coming to the physical world, uncle's visions, even what we've heard from that Parshendi..."

"You believe a Desolation is coming," Kaladin said softly. "Like it used to in ancient times."

"Does that sound insane to you?"

"No more than everything else that has been happening lately."

Jasnah's expression was dark. "As Radiants, we'll both be on the front lines of it. That much is certain. I'll need to share with you all I've found out, even if it's not much." She shook her head slowly. "We keep on digressing, though. I still need to finally hear your whole story."

Jasnah already knew most there was to know about Kaladin's life - she never felt like someone who had to be spared even the bleakest details - but now he got to fill in the last essential parts he had always omitted. How he first talked to Syl, how she saved him from suicide in his darkest hour, how he survived being strung up during a highstorm, and Teft figured out the truth.

"So Bridge Four knows?" Jasnah's eyes widened.

"Living as closely together as in the bridge crews, it's nearly impossible to keep something like that to yourself."

"They've been remarkably good at keeping it a secret, then. It's hard to believe you could share something so extraordinary with so many people and never have it leak out."

Kaladin had to admit that their loyalty made him more proud than he could express.

In turn, Jasnah told him about herself: how lost she was at first, seeing her shadow turn the wrong way, unsure if she was going insane. How she dedicated her life to studying ancient history while hiding her from all her masters and fellow scholars that her interest wasn't purely theoretical. How she spoke her Third Ideal, and ever since then carried one of the greatest weapons a person could have, never really using it until their memorable encounter in the chasms.

"I must admit, I was wondering how you've gotten your Shardblade," Kaladin said, smiling. "So, the Third Ideal?"

"Exactly." She returned the smile. "If you had told me earlier, I'd never try to talk you into taking one from Adolin! But then, I can't blame you since I was withholding an equally huge secret."

Kaladin chuckled. "Yes, I'd say we're even here."

"So, you would be at your Second Ideal now? When did you swear it?"

"At the Tower. When I decided we had to go back..."

They lost track of time so completely that it was already midday when Kaladin finished the story. Reluctantly, he excused himself to return to his duties, but Jasnah was already planning the agenda for another session of discussions and experiments.

And Kaladin found himself looking forward to it. Storms, it felt _unreal_ to speak about it all so openly, so freely. And to someone who had gone through a comparable experience. No matter how much Sigzil and the others supported Kaladin in discovering his abilities and identity as a Radiant, they could never fully share that journey with him.

Besides, while Bridge Four was his family, Kaladin was, first and foremost, their captain. He had to lead and protect them, not burden them with his own problems. And the reverence they treated him with only made it more inevitable. Moash could have almost been a friend, but he was a brightlord and a Shardbearer now, ready to go his own way. Storms, he had already started to behave differently and seemed to have become almost uncomfortable around Kaladin.

Of course, Jasnah was a storming _princess_ , which should have caused uncomparably more complications. But while the respectful distance between him and the men he considered family expanded, the much vaster one between him and Jasnah seemed to only shrink. She never looked down on him the way lighteyes typically did. When they were alone, Kaladin almost entirely forgot the gap in social standing between them. Eventually, it had become nearly unnatural to think of her as "the princess" or anything else but just... Jasnah. 

And now, on top of that, there was something special they shared. Something so unthinkable and unique that the majority of people weren't even aware it was real. Kaladin shook his head in disbelief. If there _was_ any god or higher power meddling in his life, it must have been one with a very special sense of humor.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized I might have unconsciously taken the idea for the title from EndlessGloaming ("To Dance Above The Fiery Clouds" started as "The Elsecaller and the Windrunner"...). Since that title no longer in use, and it's a generic pattern, I hope that's OK. But I thought I should acknowledge that - and the fic that essentially paved the way for long Jasnadin works in this community.
> 
> Paranoid that I would do something similar in the plot itself, I did a quick re-read to verify my outline. I'm happy with the result. There are things that a Jasnadin story just _needs_ to address. But even for these few, I actually had some extra fun noticing how the different setups and attitudes affected and twisted the similar themes, even at the stage of an outline only. I hope you'll enjoy it too!

"Do you think it's already high time I introduced myself?" Syl asked with agitation as Kaladin was heading to another meeting with Jasnah.

"That's entirely up to you, Syl," he replied. "Although you must remember how many questions I had to answer and consider carefully if you're ready for that."

"Oh, that's perfectly fine! _Of course,_ that Jasnah would want to know everything about me. I'm fascinating." Syl zipped around Kaladin in circles, unable to contain her excitement. "I still can't believe she's a Radiant too! Or maybe, I can't believe that I didn't see it coming. If there's anyone we know so exceptional that they would undoubtedly attract a spren, it's her, isn't it?"

"Should _I_ be the one jealous now?" Kaladin joked.

"Don't be silly," Syl snorted. "She's a great _Radiant_ material, not _Windrunner_ material. And you're one of a kind in either case."

Kaladin smiled. Between these two - the sheer and untamed joy of Syl and the conscious, grounded calm of Jasnah - he found himself both distancing from his dark thoughts and achieving a balance that didn't let him instantly slip back. Of course, the dark part of his brain was always there to tell him that nothing good could last. That eventually, one by one, he would inevitably lose everyone he cared about.

But with each passing day, that voice became just a little less persuasive.

* * *

"Before we get to any experiments, here are the notes I promised to share with you." Jasnah laid out several notebooks and opened the first one, tracing the writing with her finger as she spoke. Kaladin listened, sipping an indecently delicious yellow she had poured for them. He had to assume that one glass wouldn't spoil him _too_ much. 

"This one is about the Voidbringers," Jasnah said. "It's not much, I'm afraid. Most historical accounts have been tampered with to the extent that they're next to useless. I've had more luck with the folk tales, which nobody thought to redact, and if you compare versions from all sides of the world, you can find common themes. For example, even though they happened regularly, the Desolations are typically described as sudden and unexpected. As if the Voidbringers were more like spren appearing out of thin air and not an organized army slowly moving from one end of Roshar to another. They also had some terrible lord leading them, although I'm convinced these specific descriptions are significantly exaggerated. His name changes depending on the culture, but it's usually somehow connected to hate, rage, or..."

Another piece of the puzzle suddenly fell into place in Kaladin's mind.

"Odium," he said softly.

Jasnah raised her head. "And where have you heard _that_?"

"It's just something that the Stormfather once told me. It didn't make any sense back then, but it seems to fit what you've said. Is it one of the names you've come across?"

Jasnah noted something down. "Infrequently, but yes. And the Stormfather is as close to a primary source as we could get. Did he reveal anything else?"

"Only that this Odium is coming for us."

"Lovely." Jasnah crossed her arms as if trying to chase away the cold. "So the two of you chat regularly now?"

Kaladin snorted. "Only when he has something particularly bleak to threaten me with. Most recently, that Syl shouldn't have trusted me, and that I will unavoidably hurt her."

"My dad is a little overprotective, but he'll come around," Syl said with a grin. Judging by Jasnah's stunned expression, she chose this moment to make herself visible. 

Kaladin shook his head, smiling. "Jasnah, this is my spren, Sylphrena. And she likes to make an entrance."

Jasnah took a deep breath, regaining her composure.

"It's an honor to meet you, Sylphrena," she said and glanced down at her shoulder. "Please excuse Ivory. He prefers to keep to himself."

Syl peeked curiously towards Jasnah's collar but kept her distance.

"Whenever you're ready, Ivory!" she said. "And call me Syl."

Jasnah observed with fascination how Syl turned into a ribbon of light and continued to dance in the air.

"You two seem to have very different tempers," she noticed.

"Is it different for you and Ivory?"

"Less than he likes to think," she replied with an unreadable expression and drank some of her wine. "Syl, there is much I'd love to know about you, the Honorspren, and..."

She paused and narrowed her eyes dangerously as Kaladin and Syl burst into laughter.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Kaladin said quickly. "Please excuse us."

"I suppose we can do that another time," Jasnah said, rolling her eyes. "Today, I hoped to experiment with the way your surges would work on me."

Kaladin shrugged. "I could Lash you to the wall. It's easy enough. We've done that with Lopen."

"Sounds like a good start."

She gasped in surprise as Kaladin simply lifted her and stuck her to the wall, infusing her with Stormlight.

"I was just going to arrange a stool or a chair, but I suppose this was quicker," she said in a calm voice, but her cheeks flushed slightly.

Kaladin stepped back, observing with satisfaction how Jasnah's eyes widened, watching her feet dangling above the floor. She tried pulling at the back of her havah, inspecting its connection to the stone.

"Fascinating," she said. "The Lashing doesn't only affect either my body or my clothes. Although they're physically two different entities, the effect is such as if we were one whole."

"I've found a lot about these powers is oddly flexible and influenced by intentions."

"Exactly!" she exclaimed. "The cognitive aspect is crucial. I'm thrilled to see a confirmation from another Radiant as I wasn't sure how much my own connection to Shadesmar alters my abilities."

Jasnah had mentioned before how she could peek into the realm of the spren and potentially even enter it, but that it also required much more research and practice to attempt something so dangerous. Kaladin tried asking Syl about that, but she wasn't comfortable recalling her home.

"How long will it hold?" Jasnah asked.

"I can't tell for certain. Sigzil tried doing measurements, but we couldn't find a proper way to estimate the amount of Stormlight. I didn't put in much, though, so..."

Jasnah fell with a soft cry, but Kaladin managed to catch her.

"...any moment now."

Stormfather, holding her so closely reminded him instantly of the last time that happened. About her warmth in the cold of the night, her arms wrapped around his neck, the smell of her hair. He remembered how soft it was under his fingers as he held her and helplessly wanted to check if he didn't merely dream it.

 _Pull yourself together,_ he told himself.

Kaladin hadn't felt this well, this at _peace_ in years now. It would never occur to him to complain about becoming a Radiant, most certainly not after everything else he had been through **.** Even when he thought he was the only one and had to face all the responsibility and loneliness that came with it, it still was a gift. Finding someone whom he could trust, with whom he could share this journey and work it all out together... that was more than he could have expected. It would be greedy to ask for more.

He let Jasnah go, but she didn't move away.

"Speaking of the way our minds influence our powers," she said softly, "shouldn't these have healed already?" She lightly touched his forehead with her fingers.

Kaladin clenched his jaw. "I don't know why they haven't."

She gave him a long look.

"Maybe because I deserve them."

Jasnah shook her head and sighed. "You know what's the greatest tragedy of humankind?"

"Do I need to pick just one?"

"That smart people constantly doubt themselves while the idiots act vigorously without any such reservations. I'd say the same often applies to morality."

"And which of these tragic cases am I?"

"You know you're both."

"Maybe you just don't know me that well yet."

"Then tell me, Kaladin! What is it that I'm still not aware of that would suddenly make me think so much less of you?"

He had no answer. No, there wasn't anything significant he could think of that Jasnah wouldn't have known about him, not anymore. And he had no reason to doubt her opinion either. She was perceptive and just, and she held everyone to the highest standards. And even if they didn't always agree about the morality of specific actions, they nearly always agreed about people.

"You've made me see a different perspective more than once," he said finally. "Maybe, in this case, I'll also eventually see... what you claim to see."

"I'll keep working on that, then." She smirked. "You've made me revise my assumptions once or twice, too."

Kaladin smiled. No, he couldn't ask for more. Or could he? It wouldn't be the most impossible thing to have happened lately.

A little light flashed in the corner of the room.

"Excuse me for a moment." Jasnah came to the activated spanreed and conversed shortly.

"Good or bad news?" Kaladin asked.

"Both," Jasnah said. "I requested access to certain resources in Kharbranth's Palanaeum. I've just confirmed they have a couple of unique titles that can significantly push forward my research on the Voidbringers. However, it also turned out I can't simply get the interesting fragments transcribed. It looks like I'll need to travel there myself."

Kaladin frowned.

"How long will you be gone?"

"The journey there and back will take a few weeks. I'll probably spend in Kharbranth another two or three..." She sighed. "The waste of time is bad enough, but I also hoped we could go through the findings together. Your input has been invaluable." Her face lit up. "Of course, you could go with me! I will need a guard, so it wouldn't even be an excuse. And perhaps we could find there something about the Windrunners' Third Ideal! What do you think?"

Kaladin was taken aback by how much he yearned to agree. But what he wanted was hardly the priority.

"I don't think this is a good idea, Jasnah. I've got duties here."

"Is there anything your lieutenants wouldn't be able to handle by now?"

Kaladin considered the question. "Well..." he began and paused.

"Let me guess," Jasnah continued. "Nothing specific, only you will still do everything better?"

He sighed. "Am I such an open book?"

"I'm sure they can handle everyday training and assigning guard duties for some time."

Kaladin spread his arms. "We're fighting a _war_. I can't simply disappear for a few weeks."

"This isn't nearly an actual war yet. But there _is_ one coming, and we need to get prepared. Nothing is more important than that."

"What if the Assassin changes his mind and comes back for Dalinar?"

"If he does, it'll mean you won't scare him with a bit of Stormlight anymore. His hasty escape aside, how close to defeating him were you last time? And how much has changed since then?"

"Are you implying I should just leave Dalinar to potentially _die_ here?"

"I'm only saying you should learn all you can, as fast as you can, and only then face such enemy again."

Kaladin took a deep breath. "I'll think about it."

"Maybe..."

"I'll. Think. About it," he grunted.

Jasnah pursed her lips but nodded. "That's as much as I can ask for at such short notice." She finished her wine and came up to him. "Let's go back to our experiment, shall we? I'd like to try that Lashing again."

Glad to change the topic, Kaladin lifted her again and paused as she glowed intensely with Stormlight.

"Is everything ok?" Jasnah asked.

"I... think I finally understood why my men stare when I do this."

She grinned as Kaladin attempted the Lashing again but to no effect.

"So _this_ is consistent too! I couldn't Soulcast the Assassin either while he was holding Stormlight. A lesson learned too late."

Kaladin frowned. "This is critical. We must learn what amount Stormlight blocks our abilities, and to what extent."

"We will yet make a scholar out of you," Jasnah laughed, and Kaladin blushed slightly.

"Such knowledge would be invaluable for combat purposes."

"No need to get defensive. It's amusing how reality transcends the divisions we impose on ourselves through our culture, don't you think?"

"In more than one way," he said, smiling sourly.

They conducted experiments longer into the night until they finally ran out of all their Stormlight, and Syl began to yawn pointedly.

"At this rate, we'll need to start stealing lamps around the palace before the next highstorm comes," Jasnah said, but she seemed more pleased with the progress than annoyed. "I'll requisition some more gemstones first thing tomorrow, and we can continue in the evening?"

"Won't someone start asking questions about what you're doing with all these?" Kaladin asked.

"I'll figure something out. It's more important that we move forward fast and define our limitations as soon as possible. In the end, we might have nothing but a few days left."

 _Unless you go with me to Kharbranth_ was left unsaid, but Kaladin didn't fail to hear it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter I was writing and writing for so long that I finally decided to split it. So the bad news is that it took me a bit longer than it should have. The good news is, I've got a good chunk of the next one already done. Overall, this story takes much more time and will be much longer than I ever planned (right now it looks like over 30 chapters, but so far it's only been growing). I can only hope that's good news too.

"I like him more and more," Ivory said. "Sharp mind, solid reasoning - at least when he's not distracted with lesser matters. That Sylphrena, however... She isn't what I would expect from an Honorspren."

Jasnah smiled slightly. "Is that a bad thing, though?"

"She behaves so much like... a human," Ivory snorted. "Perhaps even one of those small ones."

Jasnah chuckled softly. "We barely met her. Give her a chance."

"I suppose," Ivory grumbled. "You didn't like Kaladin at first either, and now, look at you."

"Are you implying something?" Jasnah said in an amused voice. 

"I'd rather not venture too deep into this discussion, as all these emotions are quite beyond both my understanding and area of interest."

"If you have something to say, say it. I'd rather not have any misunderstandings between us."

He cleared his throat. Did spren even _need_ to do that, or was it a habit Ivory had picked up after being for so long in the Physical Realm? 

"I approve, if that's what you're worried about," he said. "A union of two Radiants will benefit everyone. And I'd be most curious to see if your offspring..."

Jasnah couldn't believe her ears. "For someone who doesn't want to discuss it," she cut Ivory off, "you're getting quite ahead of yourself."

"I'm confused. You asked me to speak freely, and so I have."

"You're right," Jasnah assured him. "I appreciate your candor. And your... opinion. But now, enough about that." She yawned, suddenly finding herself exhausted. "Unlike you, I need some sleep." 

Ivory nodded, relief in his face mirroring what Jasnah felt too. 

She made a step towards her bedroom and stumbled. "Stormfather, I must be more tired than I thought. I feel..." She leaned against the wall to steady herself and blinked as her vision blurred. It didn't help. Jasnah felt the cold sweat running down the back of her neck, but even that sensation was oddly distant as her body was growing increasingly numb. No, that wasn't merely fatigue.

She'd been poisoned.

Jasnah took a breath, reaching for Stormlight. She sucked the little amount still left in her lamp, which made her feel only slightly better. But aside from that, there was, of course, none left.

 _I'll requisition some gemstones first thing tomorrow._ Idiot! Of course that the second she would be left without Stormlight, it would soon turn out to be the worst possible timing.

Ivory said something, but Jasnah couldn't make out his words, only the concern in his voice. She focused all her remaining strength and wits on reaching the hallway. There would be lamps there, full of Stormlight for her to heal.

The room, which so often felt too small to contain all her books and papers, now appeared as vast as the main hall in Kholinar Palace and a thousand times more impassable. Jasnah almost wished she hadn't emptied her lamp as she stumbled blindly from one piece of furniture to another, holding onto anything for support. As if it wasn't enough that every move, every _breath_ was a battle.

But no matter how hard she fought, she could only survive so much by sheer willpower. And as Jasnah's body eventually gave up, her mind had to follow.

* * *

Kaladin had to admit that the Cobalt Guard would probably do well enough without him looking over their shoulder. During the last months, the men of Bridge Four had learned most of what Kaladin could have taught them. Skar and Sigzil were already more solid officers than many Kaladin had met, and perhaps greater responsibilities would only turn out just what they needed to progress further.

But no less could be said for Jasnah. She was a Radiant, and she could take care of herself. If he chose to go with her, it would be for primarily selfish reasons. If anything happened in the Shattered Plains during Kaladin's absence, if people died because he was having a good time in Kharbranth... He would never forgive himself.

It was all exhausting to consider, and Kaladin hadn't even left the palace before he felt weariness overpower him. He sucked in a bit of Stormlight from the nearby lamp to help it, but the sensation was still intensifying, even if more slowly. He stopped and leaned, resting his hands on his knees, finding it hard to move or to even catch his breath. Something was _definitely_ not right.

"Kaladin?" Syl asked with concern. "What's wrong?"

"Good question," he mumbled.

If he didn't know any better, he'd think he'd been poisoned. Unexplained, sudden fatigue, vertigo, and shortness of breath were typical symptoms of more than a few poisons he'd learned about. But of course, he hadn't eaten anything since Rock's stew, and since then, more time has passed than any of those would need to kick in.

"Stormfather," Kaladin whispered. "The wine!"

He sucked in all the Stormlight he could reach and barely waited for it to take effect before he ran back as if the whole army of Voidbringers was chasing him. He continued to heal, as the poison running in his veins also proceeded to do its damage. Thankfully, it was quickly decomposing. It wasn't created to cause prolonged effects; the victim was supposed to be paralyzed and dead within minutes.

He almost stopped, seeing an inky-black figure coming their way. It could nearly be human if not for the sharp features and the otherworldly shine to both his skin and his clothing. As it was, it could only be Jasnah's spren.

"Quickly," Ivory said, joining them. "Something is wrong with Jasnah, but I don't know enough of the human body to help her."

"It's poison," Kaladin explained. "Was she still conscious when you were leaving?"

The spren shook his head, his expression growing darker.

Kaladin clenched his teeth and ran even faster. The few soldiers he passed on the way saluted and tried to offer their help, but he dismissed them curtly. There was nothing they could do.

Once the hallway was clear, close to Jasnah's suite, Kaladin emptied any lamps he passed by and infused the dun spheres he was carrying with their light. Jasnah would need all he could bring. If only he would get to her on time.

When he finally reached her quarters, he burst through the door and looked around frantically. There she was, lying limp on the floor like an abandoned puppet, a trickle of blood marking the place on her head she must have hit when falling. Kaladin's throat closed up, but he forced himself to calm down. He kneeled on the floor to check Jasnah's pulse and let out a sigh of relief, discovering that she was still alive. He lifted her gently, putting her on his lap, and took the infused spheres from his pocket.

"Breathe it in," he whispered, bringing the spheres closer to her face. "Storms, breathe, please!"

For a few heartbeats, he wasn't sure if it would work. Kaladin had healed after losing consciousness before, but never with the deadly weapon still plunged into his body.

Then the trickle of Stormlight seeping through Jasnah's parted lips thickened as her breath deepened and stabilized, and it kept flowing until she finally coughed softly and opened her eyes.

"Storms," Kaladin half-laughed, half-cried. "I thought I'd lost you."

Jasnah looked around confusedly until she found Kaladin's eyes.

"Ah," she muttered absent-mindedly. "I'm surprised too." She breathed in more Stormlight, and the color started to return to her cheeks, but she still looked exhausted and as fragile as Kaladin had never seen her before. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it. I still owed you for getting me out of prison."

She smiled faintly. "Oh, that. It feels like it's been ages ago." She wavered. "It was the wine, wasn't it? Were you poisoned too?"

Kaladin nodded. "It's nothing, though. I had plenty of Stormlight to heal right away."

"Nevertheless, I'm sorry. I'm afraid it's not safe to stay too close to me."

"We're a perfect match then," Kaladin said bitterly. "But who would try to kill you? And why?"

"I'd find a few likely candidates," Jasnah muttered. "I have an unfortunate habit of making enemies." She attempted to rise **,** and Kaladin helped her to a nearby couch, sitting next to her.

"Aside from all the high-ranking lighteyes who'd be delighted to see me dead but wouldn't dare to do anything about it," Jasnah continued, "there are a few secret organizations who look for the same knowledge I do, but for their own reasons. And, as you can imagine, they would very much prefer to beat anyone else to it, using all means available."

"Secret organizations? Stormfather." Kaladin shook his head. "When were you going to tell me about _that_?"

"It was quite low on my priority list. To be perfectly honest, I never expected any of those to reach me in the middle of my brother's palace, in the heart of the Alethi army. I admit that it's concerning."

Kaladin felt cold.

"Then in what kind of danger are you going to be traveling far from the said palace?"

Jasnah didn't flinch. "First and foremost, I'll need to be more careful about always having a vast supply of Stormlight. And I will consider Soulcasting anything I eat and drink."

"They'll find another way." 

Jasnah looked at him calmly.

"I'm not going to use this situation to pressure you to join me, Kaladin. And I don't want you to do it solely for my sake. I still hope you can see how this journey could be good for you too."

"I never had any trouble seeing _that_."

_I was only terrified I'd let down people who needed me._

But that could happen no matter what he decided. Even if someone else had found Jasnah in time, they would never know that all she needed was Stormlight. No matter how much Kaladin worried about some unknown danger that could suddenly materialize in the Shattered Plains in his absence, the vision of Jasnah's still body was so fresh and vivid in his mind that it overshadowed it all.

Kaladin knew he shouldn't decide in the heat of the moment, but he couldn't help that he had already made up his mind.

"I'll go," he said, and seeing Jasnah was still unconvinced, he added: "Of my own free will, if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm certainly not going to discourage you either. If you're sure..."

"I'm not sure if I shouldn't stay, but I'm sure I need to go. If that makes sense."

Jasnah looked him in the eyes, considering. "I think I know what you mean." She smirked. "If I knew it would take a bit of poison to persuade you, I would spare myself all that talking."

"Don't even joke about it," Kaladin grunted. "Still, nothing is set in stone yet. I'll need Dalinar's permission, and he might still decide that I'll be more useful here." 

"I'll handle uncle Dalinar."

Kaladin shook his head and sighed. "I have no doubt you will."

 _Kharbranth._ It was more than a place. It was a whole another life that Kaladin might have lived but never would. It was surreal to think about it, to know that he could finally visit it and see all its wonders with his own eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" Jasnah asked. "You're smiling."

Kaladin's smile widened despite himself. "Have I ever told you that my father wanted to send me to Kharbranth so that I would train to become a surgeon?" he asked. "After all that has happened since then, I never again expected to eventually travel there... Let alone in such circumstances."

Jasnah smiled back. "If your father knew you went to learn about being a Radiant and how to stop the end of the world, I'm sure he couldn't have been prouder."

Kaladin grew serious. "Obviously, you haven't met my father."

Jasnah raised an eyebrow, but before she could answer, they heard a noise coming from the corridor.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your kind comments on the last chapter (or any chapter for that matter)! I'd get very repetitive answering each one individually, so let me tell you here how much I appreciate each and every one of them. They make my day every time.
> 
> Ok, I'm a little nervous about this one. But here it goes.

Kaladin jumped to his feet and rushed outside. Jasnah followed but only glanced through the open door, unwilling to draw attention to herself in her disheveled state.

The hallway was full of people who spilled out of the nearby rooms and moved around frantically, as if they didn't care where they were going, as long as it was as far away as possible. A group of guards passed by, heading in a direction opposite to most of the crowd, expressions of determination and fear mixed in their faces in equal measures.

"What's going on?" Kaladin demanded, gesturing for them to stop.

"Good you're here, sir!" The squadleader looked as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "There's word of another attack of the Assassin in White."

Kaladin's back tensed, a reflection of Jasnah's own feelings. "Where was he spotted? Are there casualties?"

"He wasn't, sir," the man replied. "There're no dead either. But the signs are there, all lamps suddenly drained in a section of the palace just around the corner, like it was the last time. We're on our way to check it."

Kaladin's shoulders relaxed, and Jasnah let out the breath she'd been holding as she realized he must have known _precisely_ what happened to all that Stormlight.

"Carry on, then," Kaladin grunted. "But, for Almighty's sake, don't raise the alarm unless you find out more." He raised his voice to reach the panicked crowd. "Everybody, calm down." There was no reaction. "EVERYONE, CALM DOWN AND GET BACK TO YOUR QUARTERS!"

People stopped mid-step, uncertain what to do, but at least they fell silent.

"There's been no sight of the enemy," Kaladin continued. "We're taking care of the situation and will organize evacuation if it turns out necessary. Until then, you'll be much safer in your rooms than here in the open."

Jasnah found herself smiling, seeing how the people, including high-ranked lighteyes, muttered and grumbled but eventually obeyed the order and began to return to their quarters sheepishly.

Seeing as the situation was under control, she also withdrew to her room and eyed herself critically in the mirror. She let the remnants of her bun down and combed it but couldn't quite get rid of the dried blood. Once the situation was settled, she needed to have someone prepare her a long hot bath.

Shortly after, Kaladin returned to check on her.

"Have you sent everyone back to their beds already?", Jasnah teased, but his expression was grim. 

"They're terrified, and it's all my fault."

"A small price to pay for our lives. And a perfect occasion to train for a similar situation without any actual danger involved."

Kaladin nodded in response, but his expression remained dark. In these last days, Jasnah had seen a different side of him. Not only lighter and less troubled - it was more than that. It was the way he channeled his passion into something other than self-loathing.

But that fleeting moment was over. The reality had caught up with them this evening, and Kaladin's eyes were distant again, Not even sad, only... Blank.

It made her heart break.

"I'll let you rest now," Kaladin said. "I'll be right outside."

"You look as exhausted as I feel. You need a rest too."

"Later. For now, I'll make sure nobody tries to kill you twice on the same night."

She cupped his face and forced him to look at her. "Not later. Now. You're not going to be of much use if you just pass out there, will you?"

There it was again, if only for a moment—a hint of a smile and a spark in his eyes that made something stir deep down inside her. Something she once fought but could no longer find any compelling reason to do so.

A forceful knock on the door brought her back to reality.

"Jasnah?" The voice belonged to Dalinar. "Are you all right?"

"Storms," she whispered, "if he sees me like this..." As soon as she said it, an idea popped into her mind. "If he sees me like this... it may be just what I need!" 

Kaladin frowned in confusion, but Jasnah only cracked what she hoped was a proper conspiratory half-smile before letting her uncle in.

"I only wanted to check on you. There's been a sign of the Assassin just next to your rooms and..." Dalinar froze at seeing her. "Stormfather, child, what's happened? You're bleeding!"

"I certainly saw no sign of _the_ Assassin," Jasnah replied, keeping her tone indifferent. "On the other hand, someone did just try to poison me."

Dalinar clenched his teeth. "Who..."

"Fortunately," Jasnah added quickly. "Captain Kaladin was nearby. He recognized the symptoms and provided me with the... proper antidote, saving my life."

Jasnah observed with satisfaction the understanding written across Kaladin's face. It was such a relief to be around someone who could just _get things_ without having them spelled out.

"Once a surgeon, always a surgeon, I see," Dalinar said and nodded towards Kaladin in appreciation. "You have my thanks, Captain. Again." He turned back to Jasnah. "We'll organize an investigation. Until we know more, I'll double your guards, have someone taste your food, and..."

"Uncle," Jasnah interrupted him. "There's no need for that. I'm leaving the Shattered Plains."

He frowned. "That's unexpected."

"There are books in Kharbranth that I wish to study. I never mentioned it, as I only just found out. I'm leaving in a few days, as soon I'll have organized everything."

"What kind of books are these that you're willing to travel halfway across the world..." Dalinar raised his hand. "No, don't tell me in detail. But is it truly so urgent that you need to go now? Something is approaching, Jasnah. I'd rather you stayed close. Both for your protection and your insights."

"I understand, uncle. But these premonitions are exactly why I must go."

Jasnah held her breath. She had never been this close to telling her uncle what she really worked on, and she wasn't inclined to get into the details just yet. Dalinar eyed her thoughtfully, and he must have understood that because he only nodded slowly, accepting what she decided to share without asking for more.

"You'll do what you believe you must do," Dalinar said. "Like all of us. Still, I insist that you take all necessary precautions. _Triple_ the guards and..."

Jasnah forced herself to keep her face straight. He walked right into it.

"I agree, uncle. In fact, I was just wondering if you could release Captain Kaladin of his duties in the Plains for a few weeks. Since he's proven so invaluable today, I can't think of a better escort."

Dalinar frowned. "I won't deny you anything necessary to keep you safe. But why don't you pick someone who doesn't need to oversee all the rest of our guards?"

"Can you think of anyone else who can both take down a Shardbearer _and_ cure poisoning?"

Dalinar rubbed his chin, thinking. "Fair enough. I can't exactly send half of the army with you either. Still, that may be complicated. Captain, how do you assess the capability of your officers to temporarily take over your duties?"

Kaladin cleared his throat. "I believe they'll do an excellent job, sir. And it'll aid their training to handle more responsibility for a time."

Dalinar pondered for a moment longer and finally sighed. "Very well, then. I trust both of you and your judgment. We still have some time left before... Whatever awaits us. Will three months be enough?"

"More than enough."

"Good. Go, then. But come back as soon as you can."

Jasnah finally allowed herself a smile. "Thank you, uncle."

There was another knock on the door, this time softer and more reserved. It turned out to be the soldier Kaladin had talked to earlier. He peaked into the room and cleared his throat.

"Excuse me, Brightlord, sir, they'd told me I'd find you here."

Dalinar turned around.

"Your report, soldier?"

"We're still double-checking, but so far, there's been no sign of the Assassin or any other unusual activity. Should we evacuate the palace nevertheless?"

Jasnah deconcentrated, hearing the sound of stumping feet that announced another group heading their way. Their urgency gave a bad feeling.

"No need," Dalinar replied. "Stay alert, though, as always."

The man saluted and left, but before he could close the door behind him, they flung wide open again as Elhokar burst into the room.

"Here you are, uncle. Do you care to explain to me what on Kelek's breath is going on?"

Dalinar sighed. "Calm down, son. Everything is under control."

"That's not what I've been hearing. The Assassin..."

"A false alarm." Dalinar kept a calm, conciliating tone. "They found a darkened corridor just like the last time, but nothing more. It's been a while since the last highstorm. Maybe those spheres just weren't fully filled. It happens."

"And it didn't occur to you that you should at least _inform_ me?"

"I'd tell you everything once I found out more. I saw no reason to cause unnecessary panic." 

"And you?" Elhokar snapped, noticing Kaladin. "Do you have nothing to say? What are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be out there with the rest of the soldiers, making sure they haven't missed anything?"

Kaladin's face flushed. "I'm making sure your sister doesn't get _actually_ assassinated while everyone else chases a ghost."

Jasnah realized this situation could deteriorate very quickly.

"Would you kindly continue this conversation elsewhere?" she interrupted. "I've had quite enough excitement for today. And could someone close this door before anyone else lets themselves in without even knocking?"

Only now, Elhokar took a closer look at her, and his eyes widened.

"Jasnah, what's happened to you?"

She rolled her eyes slightly. "Nevermind. I'm all right."

"You don't look _all right_." He clenched his teeth. "Is everyone going to keep lying to me?"

"There has been an assassination attempt this evening," Dalinar explained, giving her brother a long look. "But not by the Assassin in White and not against you. Now, we were just talking about how to keep your sister alive on her way to Kharbranth."

Elhokar raised his eyebrows. "That's new. And what have you come up with so far?"

"Don't worry," Jasnah said sourly. "I'll travel light and fast and won't deplete your precious guards too much. Captain Kaladin will accompany me, and maybe one more man or two, no more."

Elhokar's face turned even darker. "And what will you say about this, uncle?"

"I had my doubts, but I've decided to grant Jasnah's request."

"You've decided." Elhokar's eyes narrowed. "With the Assassin in White going after me, you are going to send away the one soldier who has defeated him before?"

"I never defeated the Assassin," Kaladin grunted. "I've told you a hundred times, he _escaped_."

"Then you'll make him _escape_ again if it comes to that."

"Your sister nearly died today, Elhokar," Dalinar still kept his tone even, but his posture revealed tension. "You'll have the whole army and more than a few Sharbearers left to protect you."

"Then let her take a few of those."

Kaladin clenched his fists. "You petty..."

"Mind your words," Elhokar spat. "I still have an empty cell or two available."

"So you admit you actually don't need me around, only do this out of spite!"

"Everybody, calm down," Jasnah said, mustering all her composure and dignity. She shot Kaladin a warning look. "I'm sure we can come to an agreement."

"There's no need for an agreement," Elhokar snapped. "The last time I checked, _I_ was still the king here." Jasnah opened her mouth to reassure him, but he didn't let her speak. "It'd be good for you to be reminded of that. All three of you. I consider this discussion over."

He turned around and left, shutting the door behind himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're disappointed that the trip to Kharbranth isn't happening... Know that I'm disappointed too.
> 
> But no, I never planned for Kaladin to leave with Jasnah. As some of you have pointed out, he will be much needed in the Shattered Plains. And there's at least one more crucial lesson that he needs to learn there, and I believe he needs to do it on his own. "Give the characters what they need and not what they want," I guess...
> 
> I'm still thinking about doing a special one-shot chapter to show a glimpse of what could have been. It would probably need to wait for after the main storyline is finished, but I'm really tempted to do that if you're interested.


End file.
